The black sheep of the family

As long as I can remember, I had this feeling.
like..

There was something more for me. something great.
I don't know where it came from but it's been there all along.
I knew from the start...
I wasn't limited to the cards I was dealt.
I wasn't going to stay here.
I wasn't going to give in.
I wasn't going to be like you, her, or him.
I stand up for what I believe in even if it means feeling alone or powerless.
I'm not going to say it's okay when it isn't.
that's not me.
not then, not now, not ever.
You say I'm unrealistic. or I'm insane
If you wake up just to shut the shades. how the fuck is that okay?
We have one life.
I'm looking for the truth.
I'm looking for something real.
Mostly I'm just looking for that feeling of being alive itself.

The perks of being a wallflower.

Dear Mr.Blog,

Lately, I have been feeling disconnected from people. I don't know what it is. Maybe I've become socially awkward, inept, or my overall sense of disconnectedness from this place has transcended to the way I feel about people in it. I think it might just be a combination of it all. As every spring awakens, without a doubt, i feel this itch for change. Last year I wanted independence but now more than anything I want to feel connectedness again. I don't want small talk bullshit, I want REAL connections.

I saw a glimpse of this the other day in the strangest form but for that a moment I smiled at humanity.

As I was walking back home during a golden afternoon, I stopped on the corner of a street without even really thinking and picked up a dandelion. Of course, I closed my eyes, made a wish, and with my breath of released air the magical "fluffies" (as i like to call them) floated into the sky. This action, isn't really out of the ordinary for me but this was...
There was this guy watching me do this out of his unrolled suv window. He seemed intrigued and even happy. It wasn't some creepy person sexually preying on me. It seemed to be genuine and sincere, like this small act that I did, somehow brought beauty to his day. When I look up from closing my eyes after making my wish, is when I finally notice this voyeur. Instead of feeling maybe embaressed or bashful, I returned his sweet smile with one of my own and then his face lit up like a jackolantern on halloween. I giggled and waved. With a wave back, the light turned green, his suv was off but he couldn't help but look back at this very odd 20 year old woman who believes in magic and flowers as much as a girl 15 years her junior.

I felt more connection with this stranger for less a minute than I have with some of my closest friends this entire year.

So there was this American girl raised on promises.

but she couldn't help thinking that there was a little more to life somewhere else.

Sometimes I think Tom Petty wrote that song for me. like the other day I was walking home from school in the sunshine and that song came onto my ipod shuffle. I've been listening to Tom Petty since I was a little girl. But even now, those lyrics still bring me this warm feeling in my soul when I hear it. It was meant for me.

"She had one little promise she was gonna keep"

This is my first time blogging.
I'm not sure how to do this. do I start out just rambling, or giving you fascinating people information on all there is that makes up me? Do I start my blog entries with a line; such as dear friends or do I give this blog it's own personal identity like Penelope or Francine. I guess i'm just going to roll with it.

My name is Sarah but you can call me whatever you like, sugar. oh shit I'm confusing bar and blog, again. Right. So let's just stick with Sarah. I'm going to school to be a teacher but mostly a learner. I like flowers a lot and being outside in general. That's all the trivial nonsense I'll share for now. I'm sure you'll get to know me through my thoughts and adventures that I decide to post.

Why blog you may ask? It's because I'm obviously more fascinating than the average joe. Clearly, this is not the case. I'm pretty sure you'll be checking your dogs blog posts and updates on grandma suzannes 89th birthday in North Dakota right after reading this. But for me, I'm doing this because I want to. I want to share my travels and adventures this summer while in Europe. 39 days to go.

To go back to my earlier statement "She had one little promise she was going to keep"
This promise. it's a simple one.
it's to get out.
I had a long conversation with a close friend of mine a little while ago. In her frustration, she snapped at me. "Sarah, ever since you were little, all you wanted to do was leave". I didn't really have a come back for that because she was right.
I can't be satisfied in a stagnant job. I can't be satisfied in a stagnant place. I need change, I need growth and opportunity to learn. I need to wake up in the morning with a completely different day ahead of me.
I need passion and fulfillment.

If nothing else, this blog will let you keep up to date with how i'm keeping my promise as well as the trials that come along the way.

It is late.