Home is wherever I'm with you.

Dear Blog, Time goes by too fast with Michael. I swear, I just saw him standing outside of the SBB looking around for me. But I saw him first, and I ran. I ran and put my fingers over his eyes. Once, he turned around. Nothing else existed. And today, just three days later, I saw him again at the SBB. But this time, he was leaving. I always think that the leaving thing will get easier over time. We'll get used to it. It's normal. I can't really speak for Michael but even if I will see him in less than two weeks, watching him walk onto that bus without me and then me having to turn around to the trainstation to take a train without him, is a miserable feeling. It just felt so right having someone sit next to you and holding your hand. Now, I was alone again. If you can't imagine this feeling at all...picture yourself saying bye to someone you really really care about at the airport. and Imagine having to do that constantly. On Friday He texted me at the airport in the afternoon. He forgot his bank card! wheww..way better than a passport and I really didn't mind. I like taking care of him. From that moment until 2:45pm,when i left the house, I swear time couldn't go any slower. tick tock tick tock, the clocks were mocking me the whole day. But alas it was time! As soon as Rachel got home, I bolted out of the door. The sun was shining and I was running down the hill(or mountain as me and my michael refer to it)while listening to feel good music. I could feel it. I was so close to him. I was on the train when he called and that's when I knew it was real, he made it here! When we were finally reunited in front of the trainstation and he hugged me and lifted me up. I swear, I've never felt so happy. We ended up sitting on a bench by the park I always go through to snack on some strawberry yogurt filled chocolates and a cheap croissant. It was so nice to share it with someone, not just someone, but Michael. We walked around town a bit, just chatting and holding hands. I showed him the starbucks I frequently visit, the school I go to, and just some of the basel streets. I've been doing this on my own since I got here. I haven't been able to share it with friends or family and during that moment, that's when I knew, I never would. It made me kind of sad but at the same time I felt very lucky that I had him to share it with. After this little outing in the town, we decided it was time to go to my village to meet the family, relax, and go out for some dinner. We laughed about how I always exaggerate things and that the "mountain" probably wasn't much of anything at all. This time, however, he ranked it a 4 on the "Sarah over-exaggerating scale". It made me feel better, that the hill really can be a beast, and it's just not me being out of shape. Once, we arrived, we played foosball with the kids. They loved it! and him! and he won both times...i'm better at air-hockey, I swear. After that, it was time to relax in my room for a bit. Once again, another moment where life just felt right, and I didn't feel so alone. We have this habit though, of getting too comfortable/relaxed/completely content if we spend too much time laying around...and it can interfere with real plans, however, we both know that, so we got up in perfect time to walk down the mountain for some pizza. As we were walking, we thought we were lost for sure...mostly michael, he doesn't trust my keen womanly sense of directions. But I got us there and all was well. The pizzeria was cute and petite. The prices were actually reasonable for swiss standards too (always a treasured aspect). He held my hand across the table. Can't life always be like this? When we got home, we watched Office Space (American humour that Michael seemed to appreciate...whew) and it wasn't even emotional. A very rare but good find for me. Saturday

Dear Andy

Dear Andy, I'm sorry I didn't say hi or run up and give you a hug. I really wanted to. I did. I swear. Last May, I was with my fifth graders showing them a tour of Madison. And I kept my eye out and I even saw you. You were in the computer lab with your class. I was hoping you would see me too. But you didn't. Then I contemplated running up and saying hi. I resisted...I didn't want to cause a disruption and worse of all; what if you didn't remember me? Now, I realise that's nonsense! Of course, you would have remembered me! I was in your homeroom class for three solid years. But now it's too late. I wish you could have seen me. Saw that you impacted a person's life and that I'm doing well. I even got out of my nirvana teen angst phase. I turned into a teacher, just like you. And I know that you knew that you impacted many lives but seeing it and hearing a proper thank you, surely would have made you smile. I remember leaving 8th grade and giving you a present. You gave me a huge andy-like hug and I started to cry. You told me that it would be okay, that I would do well and you had faith in me. You also said that your amazing wonderful son Pao was my age, and that you'd always be around to support our class. Andy, if I got to see you one more time. I would tell you that you were an amazing inspiration fun-loving teacher. A teacher that I'm not sure I could live up to even if I taught for 100 years. You gave so much to our community. I truly believe that you saved lives. I just hope you realised that.

Ikigai.

Dear Blog, Yesterday, I went to the Hebtsmesse (Swiss Carnival). I walked around with three other expats until the weather took a turn for the worst. It was pissing down rain and even as an Eugene girl, the rain can make a day go very sour. We ended up standing under an umbrella drinking cups of Gluhwein (pronounciation: Glue-Vine) (definition: warm red wine with spices). This was the first time that me and gluhwein met. At first it was so exciting and I couldn't stop drinking it's delicious flavours but then after a while it became hard to drink, and it made my head spin, and overall I felt sick. I walked around looking for a toilet which may have included me wandering around a cathedral. No such luck in that search but luckily, just walking around and not being around the Gluhwein fumes helped immensely. But let me talk about Ikigai. As I was drinking gluhwein and chatting with the other expats, Ikigai came up. One of the girls is a researcher in Psychology at the University of Basel. She talked about this study that was done about which groups of people live the longest and how those groups were similar in their way of life. One of the groups were Japanese and they lived by this philosophy of Ikigai. Your Ikigai is the reason why you wake up in the morning. It gives you meaning and purpose in life. Anyone who believes in Ikigai could tell you right away what they are living for. It made me think, could I do the same? This morning I was meandering through the year in accordance to my calendar. I used to be a busy a girl. A girl without a minute to spare. My reason to wake up in the morning was to learn and to become a teacher. A teacher that can transcend the love of learning to her students. But right now, I'm not a teacher. And I thought taking a gap year would be a nice breather and part of me still believes that it will be good for me in the long run. But right now, what is my Ikigai? I feel like graduating from college is tough for the identity. I need to figure out who I am without school.

The Pool of Tears.

Dear Blog, Recently, I have been reading Alice and Wonderland to my Swiss kids. Even if it is complex and has old confusing english language, they seem to be enjoying it still. However, that's besides the point. As you surely know, Alice is in a world of unknown by herself, trying to figure out where she's going...even though the funny thing is...she's trying to get somewhere but has not a clue where she even wants to go. Sometimes I feel like this. Where am I going? What am I doing? The scariest question is "Who am I anymore?". It can make a persons head spin. This week though, I could relate to this chapter titled "The Pool of Tears". It's been one of those weeks where there have been so many ups and downs. I don't want bore you with every little detail but I will tell you this. Alice drank a bottle that said "drink me", it made her small...she was happy for a moment because she could fit through the door that she wanted to make it through soooo badly. But then she realised, that she left the key on top of the normal sized table that was now much too tall for her now. Alas another challenge for Alice to face. After a bit of struggling, she found hope in a cake that was labeled "Eat me". It let her become tall enough to get the key, however, now she was much too tall for the door!! Poor Alice! She cried and cried and cried some more. Once again, she became small leaving the key on the table and now faced with another challenge..a "pool of tears". Did she make it through the door? And if she did, was the otherside everything that she hoped for? I feel like Alice because I want to get through that door so badly. I find a way to do it and then something goes wrong. I can't do that way, that try isn't going to work. I become upset. Then I become motivated to make it work again. But once again, I was let down. This time the let down was even worse because the lady on the phone said "impossible" and it made me cry. A lot. It made me lose hope. And now, I am trying to get through door, a whole new way. A way that doesn't involve the key. Just like Alice did in the end. I hope like Alice that I, too, can find my way home. Not in the literal sense but the feeling sort of way.

Ragged Woods.

Dear Blog, Sorry I neglected you, yet again. You see, I spent two marvelous weeks in the UK with the most amazing person in the whole entire world and really could not be bothered doing anything else but enjoying every minute with him. But alas, I am now back in Switzerland on my own. I do have you blog, and for that, I am thankful for. I'm not sure if you read or not but in a few posts back, I ranted about my little woods that I lived next to when I was in Eugene. It was a place to contemplate and let things go. Now after living here for almost two months, I have found that place. It's only about a five minute walk from my house. It's huge, undisturbed, noiseless, and even a little mystical. The trees are skinny and tall, their multi coloured leaves arch the pathway, allowing just the perfect amount of sun to shine through. I've been there the past few days walking aimlessly and enjoying the beautiful fall colours. I felt like Winnie from Tuck Everlasting. Eyes-wide, looking around, trying to see what kind of adventure I can get myself into. It's strange though, I always find comfort in the woods. I'm not exactly sure why but i think that the woods make me feel free. Free from the past, free from worrying about the future, and just generally free from everything. And sometimes..that can be a nice feeling. But let me get something off my chest. Something I really thought about in the woods.. I feel like ever since I was young; I've always had something attached to me. Like a "do no wrong" essence/ "nice girl". And I carried that with me. Not only do people have these standards for me, but I do for myself. But I'm not perfect even now matter how hard I tried or try. Which kills my conscious, I want to be perfect so bad. Sometimes it haunts me though, every little mistake that I've made. And moving to Europe, I thought it would be like starting from scratch. Life isn't that simple though. I guess all we can do is to live and learn and understand that no one is perfect.

Running through the streets of Zurich

Dear Blog, Yesterday my alarm went off at 8:45am. That's sleeping in for me, however, the night before I got no sleep whatsoever. So on this particular saturday, I just didn't want to get up at all. I could stay in bed if I wanted or catch a later train but I got up anyway...Zurich was waiting on me. I felt kind of off all throughout the morning and train ride. Woke up in a funk I guess. Once, I got there, it was magically lifted. I felt better again, I felt more like myself. I walked along the streets and found some really cool shops (english bookstore..glorious, record stores, and even a fun toy shop), didn't buy anything from any of those places because zurich is literally the most expensive city in the entire world..yikes! doesn't do well on my budget even if I just got paid. But this girl can't help herself when it comes to H&M and I found this adorable short white mod dress that I'm so excited to wear around the UK in a few short weeks. I was getting hungry though and went to find a pizza place (craving pizza for the longest time) and ended up at this one right by the water (you don't even want to know how much it was for a small one person cheese pizza...zurich..that's all I can really say). Let me diverge about the water for a second, it is SO clean. I've seen a lot of canals from venice to amsterdam and they don't have shit (sorry) on Zurich. You could swim in it and not only be certain that you won't get a bunch of diseases but come out of it feeling clean and refreshed. People weren't lying about switzerland being clean..in fact all the rumours I've heard about Switzerland are living up to their word. Expensive:check. Clean:check. Beautiful: double check. Alright back to pizza. Since I was alone, the waiter sat me next to this one bloke who was alone as well. Well..this bloke (Matt) noticed me fumbling with german words and speaking English so he asked me where I was from. He turned out to be from Colorado! I hardly ever meet fellow Americans on my travels. He just graduated from uni too. We were both travelling in Zurich for the day alone so at the end of the meal we decided to hang out for the rest of the day. I was really happy about this, travelling with someone else is so much better than being by yourself, even if it was just a one-day kind of friendship. I told him about the free bike place I saw online so we walked to find it...no luck though. It was there..luckily but they ran out of bikes..suppose I wasn't the only one in Zurich with this brilliant pocket saving idea. Well on to the next idea, walk around the lake front. The lake was perfectly clear, old swiss buildings surrounded it with mountains in the background, swans swam near the edges while the sailboats lazily sailed in the center. The weather was perfect too..sunny but mild. Perfect cardigan wearing weather. And you know how much I love my cardigans. They are to me as sweaters are to Mr.Rodgers. Then Matt and I saw paddle boats and thought we should check it out. We found the place really easily and it was decently priced (even better). So we got our paddleboat!! wooohooo! It was hilarious..we exchanged very few words with the guy who gave us this paddleboat but all he said to us was "Do you know the rules".."no" (in my mind...are you kidding, how would we know the rules..you have barely said 5 words to us).."Don't go under the bridges" and then he pushed us off and we were on our way. Matt and I couldn't help but crack up over that whole scenario. back in the states they would have surely gave us some long speech with a novel full of rules and how to even use the bloody paddle boat but all this strange swiss man had to say was not to go under the bridges..and we didn't. However, this contraption squeeked like crazy. Proper annoying to say the least. But I was happy, I love being on the water. We joked throughout the ride that we were going to jump in. About half way through our ride, we stopped to take pictures and give our legs a rest. And I said "If I'm going to do it, this is it...this is the time". So I did it. I jumped into Lake Zurich. Jeans and All. Once I was in, my first reaction ended up being a mouth full of curse words. It was damn cold. But after a few minutes, I felt so alive. I was spontaneously swimming in the middle of lake zurich. I kind of forgot about matt and the paddleboat for a minute. I just swam on my back and looked all around me. This is my life and I loved it. Once I got in, I really regretted the whole jean thing but hey what's a girl to do? I wanted to swim in the lake and I have a boyfriend so going in my underwear was definitely not an option. So once I'm sitting back in my seat, matt looks over at me...and says "Hell, I've got to do it". So he did! and once we were riding back..he sincerely says "Thank you, I would have never done that if it wasn't for you". Maybe he felt alive too. I was glad that I could be a part of that. I have to tell you something about this fellow...he is ROBBIE LAND! his voice, his looks, his humor. It freaked me out during that whole day. I felt like I just spent the whole day with Robbie. I think that really helped me feel comfortable and able to joke around as if he's been my friend for longer than just this one day. So once we were back on the streets of zurich..my jeans weren't drying and god knows that they weren't going to dry anytime soon. So we found some store (Adidas), I pretended to try something on but really just changed out of the jeans and into this mod dress that I bought earlier that day. The dress is quite short and I didn't want to slut it up in Zurich so then the goose chase to find black leggings began. Luckily I found some and all was right with the world. After exploring the city more and getting coffee ($7 small starbucks..killer), I was off on the train again, feeling much better than before. I love zurich as a city. I would live in Zurich. I always judge places on if they are visit worthy or living worthy and this was definitely both. It was beautiful with a blend of nature and city. It's perfect..minus the money bit. Once, I was back in my little village of Magden, I climbed up the hill looking at the clear night sky with an abundance of stars hanging about, and at the that time, the universe just felt right.

It's time to begin... isn't it?

Dear Blog, That morning, we woke up at 4:00am. He turned on the lights. It was so bright. I remember that vividly...it was way too bright for what time it was. Can't we just go back to sleep? Wake up when we want, make tea and banter? Not this morning. After a lot of convincing, he got me up. We trudged about a mile or so to Waverly Station. At the time I was conflicted, the walk was painful, cold, dark, and uphill...I was too tired for that. I wanted the walk to be over. At the same time..I didn't. It meant much more than a stupid walk being over, it meant that summer was over. Our carefree weekends in various euro cities and the week that I just spent in the cottage...making cookies, waking up late, running around in meadows, laughing all the time, and dancing in our pub...was over. I know that we'll have more memories like that but I just wanted them to last so bad...I wanted to stay. I always thought everytime I left the UK..that I left my heart with it but this time I really did, I swear to god, I did. Finally, once the bus came..I held back. I didn't cry. He didn't say much. Then I let his hand go, walked on the bus and the bus driver was so unbelievably rude to me. I sat by myself and lost all control. I cried, and I cried hard. It brought me back to a year ago when I left my kindergartners in Italy and I took a bus all by myself to the airport straight after work. It was a cry that couldn't be stopped even though I wanted it to. There were people in pretty much every seat for christ sake...and I...I was a hot mess...an uncontrollably one at that. And then I was on my own I went to Michaels parents house for the afternoon since it was close to the airport and I could be in Frankfurt whenever I wanted. It was a Sunday, I needed to pick up my visa at the swiss consulate on Monday. All in All.. I adore them, they make me feel a part of the family and I've only met them on two occasions. His dad helped me get on the train with my two luggages at the end of the day. He kissed my cheek and waved goodbye as the train took off. I really was on my own now and I couldn't help but cry a little again. Franfurt..I hated it. I really did, I swear to god. Basically when monday afternoon hit and everythining at the consulate went smoothly, I got the hell out of there and started on my way to SWITZERLAND!!!!!!!!! I'll talk more about the family and kids in another blog...don't you worry! But for now, let me tell you, that I live on top of a hill...currently I am sitting outside on my own terrace that connects to my room. I can see all of the houses, some look so small that I could pick them up by my hands and set them on my palms. The village is surrounded by hills. It's so beautiful! I wish I could do it justice, but Blog..I really don't think I can. I'm sorry. This weekend, I went to Colmar, France, it's in the lovely famous wine region of Alsace... I went completely and utterly alone. As soon as I got to Basel SBB, I went to go to the french platforms, there was a sign there that said "France" with a sliding door. My heart fluttered! It was such a cool feeling, I stood between these sliding doors just for about 20 seconds..I was in two places at once, Switzerland and France. I felt like I was on a "Walk to Remember". In that moment...I felt infinite. Oh by the way, in preparation for the movie, I've been reading the perks of being a wallflower..for about my 4th time, so this entry may be full of references that you may or may not get. At the moment, I feel both happy and sad, and I wonder how that could be My emotions were running high..I don't know what's wrong with me, I feel constantly on the verge of tears. There were times where I wanted to cry because everything around me was just so beautiful in Colmar. It was like a fairytale, cut out hearts in the colorful shudders of the houses, cobblestone roads, bakeries, cheese shops, biscuits/ chocolate shops galoure! It was authentic too...no one spoke a lick of english. As I walked around, I would say the signs that I saw aloud to myself in the best french accent that I could muster up. It was silly but I thoroughly enjoyed it. I wish I was learning french instead of German. It's a gorgeous language..it really is! "Sont de mont qui von tre bien ensemble...tre bien ensemble"...thank you beatles, thats almost as much as I really know. During my day in Colmar, I went shopping for souvenirs, after being here for 2 months, it's about time to send some love back, right? I went shopping for clothes, found an awesome maroon cord skirt..while trying things on..this song came on..one of those songs that puts you in a good mood and makes you feel alive..well it came on so while I was trying on clothes..I was dancing and jumping around. Once again, in that moment, I felt infinite. After the shopping, It was time for a snack. Tried an onion torte, thanks for 'Mum's suggestion. Really though, I don't even think I would have thought about going to Colmar without their suggestion during my graduation. Another great family that I'm so happy to have in my life. Anyways, I got off on tangents way too much, so I walked around a bit..ended up finding myself a Marche aka french market. Drank a few glasses of wine! Brilliant! I wanted to keep shopping around after that but then my wine haze started to hit. Made my way to a lovely french park and read the perks of being a wallflower and took a tiny nap. That's when I realised..when I am alone or feeling lonely, I look to my books and my writing. I want to feel connected with someone when I read or with my writing, I want someone to feel connected with me. It makes me feel less alone. And right now, I could really use that. I want you know, that I meant what I said, I really am both happy and sad. However, I am living the life that I always wanted to and I feel so lucky for that. I take it in, I appreciate everything. This isn't everyone's life. Some people don't make it out...even when they want to. It's not an easy life to live though. Constant goodbyes and change. It can be hard but someone once told me that if it's not difficult...it's not worth it. And I believe it. With every bit of me.

And the world's alright with me.

Dear Blog, Last time that we chatted, I left off in Berlin. So shall continue with the weekend travels? I think we shall. So the following weekend, I left the moonch girls to their own devices and went to Michael's parents house in Southern Holland. I think this was my favourite weekend of all. Michael drove and picked me up practically right after I got off work. We then were on the open road together for an hour which was nice. I really love rooadtrips and listening to music (like follow rivers, lovely day, fat boy slim...the good stuff). Even better, me and this boy are pretty music compatible (besides the dutch techno...but he grew up in Holland, so I can't really blame him). Right. So I was a wee bit nervous to meet the parents. It's nerve racking to meet parents in general at a dinner or family gathering but I was going to be spending the whole weekend with them! The first night, they made bbq which was delicious and a much needed break from buying trainstop dinners or cassels meat and potato medleys. Most importantly, they were a very welcoming family and made me feel right at home even though I just met them and was thousands of miles away from my actual home. After travelling and being away from my home...being in an actual family/home environment is kind of like a treat. You realise how nice it is just lounging in the living room, having a home cooked meal, and topic bouncing banter outside in the gardens. I enjoyed it...quite a lot! Michael, his brother, and I decided to play Monopoly that night... With monopoly, you always have to go around the board once before buying property. I am my fathers daughter..therefore I think I have the "Monopoly kicking ass gene". So I talked myself up. Well...I landed on "Go to Jail" three times in a row!!! How does that even happen? I was totally gutted and we stopped playing. We decided to play (Ludo) ...which I won at. It's kind of like "sorry" but 10x more frustrating and repetitive. The next day was saturday where we woke up late (how glorious)and had a delicious breakfast that included home made black currant jam and the best dutch cheese a girl could ask for! Then we dashed to the Zoo in Arnhem ( a city about an hour from michael's village). Saw some of my favourite animals..made up stories about their lives which luckily michael is silly enough to go along with. Overall, a fun day at the zoo! After the zoo, we went and saw a film at the cinemas (Batman). It felt like a normal date weekend instead of running around from sight to sight, I feel sometimes the normal things that i did back home isn't the normal here therefore it becomes a treat/ exciting when I do them...it's funny how things work. I've never watched a film in Europe before in the cinemas...luckily it wasn't in dutch :) but there was assigned seating..kind of strange but tis the dutch way I suppose. That night before driving home, we walked through this beautiful park where there was this festival going on. I wish I took pictures because this park was so picture-esque with white canopies and twinkly lights everywher. Ducks swimming in the ponds. Little bridges to cross over the creeks. It was a perfect day! the next day, we rode bikes to germany through corn fields and farm land to get to this lake. I was in heaven. I love riding bikes and it was the perfect place to do so! It was about 30 minutes away but took longer due to being lost...being lost wasn't so bad though. When we finally arrived, we were a bit knackered from the weekend so we just lounged around and swam a bit. On the way home michael tried his luck in the cornfields to find some propa good corn for dinner...no such luck unfortunately. We rode bikes through the farm land passing/shaing raw corn on the cob back and forth. I could live like this.

If you wish it.

Wendy is considering going back to London. Back to her home. Back to Nana. Back to her parents. Back to the nursey. She asks Peter if it's okay that she leaves Neverland. He says "If you wish it" in such a heartbroken tone...clearly saying that he doesn't wish it at all. But it isn't up to Peter..is it? If someone wants to go, they want to go. And I can't change that and neither can he. In life, it seems as though if you ever want to gain something then there is always a price to pay. May it be money or a peter pan. You can't have it all and lately I feel like I've been trying to have it all. And it isn't working. It's exhausting and consuming of my entire being. However, I couldn't let things go the way they were going on forever. Nothing was happening. It was like rocks in a flowing river. I needed to change. I needed to throw myself out on a limb. I feel like I've barely got grasp of this limb and on the way to getting there... I've scraped myself pretty badly. I've got to keep going though. But... As with the Darling's nursery. The window will always be left open. for whenever you want to come back.

Following Rivers.

Dear Blog, I'm very sorry that I have neglected you ever so much during these last six weeks of life. I hope and my readers are forgiving. For you see, life really caught up with me there and taking the time to reflect was not on my top priorities...very unfortunate, I know. But alas I am back! Where to even start? This truly is the trouble when one fails to give attention to a blog. Leaving: That night, I didn't sleep. How could I? I was leaving around 3am for the flight of my life. When we finally got to the car, I was wide awake and ended up driving us to the airport. Oddly enough, I've never driven to the airport on my own or even to portland before this. But here I was, me and my family. Mostly though, I felt connected with my little lilahbug. She's my beloved car, after all. It was our last journey together. That car always symbolized freedom to me. Freedom to sing loudly. Freedom to feel the wind through my fingertips. Mostly, freedom to leave and go on a different path. Airport: It wasn't until I saw the anxious smiley faced Jamie that I realised that I was going. I was so excited at that moment, nothing could bring me down...not even my parents who were more or less gutted at the fact that I was leaving. They both cried and part of me wanted to cry to show that I DID care and I DO love them a lot but I couldn't..I didn't cry at all. I was too excited and was more than ready to leave Oregon. Luckily, my sister was at the airport as well and was able to console them and keep their spirits somewhat up. This is what I love about my sister..she stays calm in any situation and takes care of people. She's so selfless. I realised a few nighs prior to me leaving when there was an incident in my family..my sister stayed! she stayed! I ran. I always run. It's my instinct. The munch town..the moonch moonch..MG: For the last 6 weeks I have been living in Mochengladbach at a British Military base! I've made really good friends with my fellow camp adventure ladies and even made some british friends. Some highlights: Watching the Olympic Ceremonies with the brits while drinking magners! I've never felt so patriotic in my life. God save the Queen...indeed! Playing thumper on our first friday with all our new friends! The many nicknames of Jack aka Jack Jack, J-Razz, Shifty J The numerous nights just bullshitting with everyone out in the court yard or griffendor longue. The moment Jack Jack came to our house with 5 things of Ben and Jerry's. Getting in trouble for being barefoot. Dodgy Rob and his delicious blueberry pancakes served on a special silver platter just for us. Tick Trail. Mich Mich! Travelling Our first weekend, all of the rheindahlen girls went to Koln on Saturday where we climbed up the narrow winding steps to the top of Europes tallest Cathedral. We also ate Pizza! which was much desired after a week of Cassel's meals. The next weekend was my birthday, I went to Brussels with Tanya,Michelle, and Michael. This is where my love of waffles really began. However, very disappointed of this iconic pissing baby statue. There were replicas that were larger than the actual thing..gutted...especially when I made everyone search for it with me. Luckily, my birthday meant belgian beer (framboise..YUM!) whilst playing rummy with everyone. At night it took us ages but we found this bar called Celticas! It was a lot of fun...even got to dance for a bit. Lastly, I ended my 22nd birthday walking around the beautiful belgian town with Michael. The next day, while sharing a waffle..Michael + Sarah was official. It was such a nice day that we tried to find a park but only found a homeless refuge. We eventually laid outside of a cathedral for a while...which was a lot prettier/a lot less sketchy. Dear blog, I am keeping my promise to...for once, I know! The next weekend was BEERFEST in Berlin! We hurried out of work as fast as we could and caught the next bus out of the Rhine. After we got to the center, we had pizza (again..but still amazing) where I stole a coke (going to hell for this). The german pizza guys loved us though because we were from "California" and they insisted on singing us the Phantom Planet's song titled..Califronia. Shocking! Anyways after being wired from the stolen coke, delicious pizza, and the idea that I would soon be reunited with my bestfriend Brigette and my boyfriend in BERLIN...I didn't want to sleep on that 5 hour journey there. This lead to ridiculously loud banter and laughter between Alice, Mich and I ...there may have been some bets concerning two of our friends as well. Suffice it to say, we really over shot on that one. Anyways, we learnt that fresh fruit from trainstations aren't nearly as appetizing as those back at home. But still an upgrade from the mushy apples at cassels. Once we got to Berlin, I found myself in the largest trainstation in all of Europe. It was mental, there were escalators going every which way for levels up and down. Luckily, it was pretty simple to find Michael. Then we were off to our hostel to meet up with brigette and his friend (Mathieu..he's french so it's pronounced "Ma-Choo" and I like to call him Ma Choo Choo..or choo choo train. This trip has been all about nicknames..Right so once we got to the St.Christophers inn, Ma-Choo bought me a magners and all of us drank and bantered on for a while. The next day, me and brig went on a walking tour where we found Beau, Jeanine, Kristen, and other Camp A friends from back home. It's so cool running into people you know in places that are so foreign. In the past year, I've hung out with Beau in Berlin and Hawaii..How cool is that? -here I go diverging again. Right, so we were on this walking tour where we went all around the city of Berlin. Saw the main sites; including the wall, check point charlie, hitler's bunkers (the parking lot that is now on the spot), holocaust memorial, and where Michael Jackson showed off his baby "Blanket" on the balcony of a Berlin Hotel. It was a very informative tour. Once, we were done, we were at Museum Island but I was exhausted after the walking and heat. Michael ended up coming to Museum Island where we splashed around in the fountain a bit (loads of fun) and laid around in the park surrounded by old beautiful museums (also fun). Clearly we didn't rest enough because when we got back to the hostel, we took a nap and went into deep sleep almost instantly. I really didn't want to get up, but I did! Because it was BEERFEST! The beer tents seemed to be endless. There were hilarious German bands as well performing. I was loving the fruit beers...such as cherry beer, raspberry beer, and my favourite..Banana Beer! The next day, it rained so me, michael, and choo choo train didn't get to go to the tier gardens as planned but instead sloshed around in the rain looking at cheap records and haggling with street merchants for jewelry (got my locket for 7 instead of 12)! My shoes were soaked though but luckily we ended up inside... in a "California Burrito Grill"..which was surprisingly good and met my mexican cravings..for a minute atleast. I could still use a mexi night at my parents house desperately. By that time, it was time to head out..we caught the train back home. Long train rides seem to go by fast with Michael. Oh by the way. I was introduced to "I follow rivers" that weekend which is a very catchy tune that hasn't left my head since that day. It's always the first song me and Michael listen on any car ride. It's almost dinner time at Cassels...meet and potatoes surely. Yumm :/ More soon. promise. x x x x

I drove to chicago...in my mind, in my mind.

Today I graduated from College! It's so insane. I don't even know how that happened, the years flew by so fast. They really did, I swear to god. The coolest feeling ever was when we were walking into the stadium. All of the families were cheering. I finally felt like a graduate walking with my cohorts in the matching black gowns and caps to the band playing the traditional graduation songs. My bestfriend in the whole world Michael graduated with me today. He's moving to Chicago tomorrow. I had to say my goodbyes to him. He told me to try to find him afterwards if we could. Luckily, we had about an hour before to chat and say goodbye but still I wanted to see him again, after everything was all done. As I was getting in line to receive my diploma, I saw him..he was about 10-15 people ahead of me, walking fast. He was in grasp. Then at that moment, my graduation didn't matter. The diploma ahead of me didn't matter. The pictures the professionals wanted me to stop and take...sure as hell didn't matter. I had to get to him. I kept my eye out but he reached the gates far before I did (this is where the swarm of people congregated after one received their diploma). So my hopes were to reach to him after I got outside the gates. Once I got outside, right in front of everyone were my parents and sister. Really, how sweet and caring. They wanted to see me! But at the time, I felt kind of annoyed (which I feel bad for) but it was a distraction from my mission. I was losing time to catch up. He was slipping farther and farther away from me with every stop I had to make. I told my parents we had to keep moving..so we did. I kept looking and looking. You weren't anywhere to be seen. Where were you? The cellphone was off. I couldn't find you. Then I stopped. My parents wanted to take pictures with me so we stopped in front of Reser. And right as my sister was about to take the photo, I started bawling uncontrollably. I ran to my sister, snuggling my face in her arm so maybe no one would see how awful I was acting. My whole my family was huddling around me. They kept asking "what's wrong, what's wrong". In my incoherent mumbles in between fits of crying, "I lost him, I lost him!". But my family couldn't understand me, they thought I lost something in the stadium. "No, I lost Michael!". I don't think I will ever forget this feeling.

And everything is moving to the beat.

ahhhh! I feel like I'm being annoying, complicated, and pesky! All traits in which I can't stand at all. I like being simple. I like going with a thing that I like to call "the flow". But right now, I don't feel like that's even an option or maybe I'm just not letting it be an option. This time, I'm going to Europe and I'm not coming back (for a while atleast). This is so legen (wait for it, I hope you're not lactose intolerant because this is going to be big)dary, that I can't think about all the other aspects in my life that are happening at this very moment. I told myself I wouldn't even plan until after I've graduated but I've failed at that. It's complicated because of this...my plans keep changing and more people are involved. I have to make sure that I'm on the same page as my friend (which is pretty dang easy) but this is where it gets complicated I have to be on the same page as my swiss family and the swiss embassy. I need to be at a certain place at a certain time in order to get a working visa...this is stressing me out..big time! I can't go with the flow when things that precious are on the line. I have so much anxiety that something has to go wrong somewhere down the line...hence me trying to go to sleep and not being able to. A summer travelling northern europe then going off to spain for a week then moving to switzerland. Life can't be like that. I think I'm about two pesky e-mails away from giving myself a nervous breakdown or my friend truly hating me. -I'm stressing about stupid things. I know. People are starving or fighting wars. And here I am stressing about leisurely travelling and getting visas.

Love will keep us together...right?

On Friday, I became gravely aware of my financial situation. Unless, I bank some real cash during graduation..I'm not sure how things are going to look for me this summer. I hate thinking about finances. I hate hate hate it. I like to shove in that place...you know that one..the one where all the things you don't like thinking about (corruption of society, friend betrayal, family secrets, lost love, war victims, sweat shop victims, the filthy rich, how powerless you really feel) live. Well, suffice it to say, I like to stash my own financial situation in that very category that lies dormant in my mind until something external awakens it, then the thoughts gush out like an active volcano. There's no telling when it's going to stop. I panic. What am I going to do? I apply for a couple side gigs like babysitting but people are looking for someone to stick around for those positions. Seriously, who is going to be employ a girl who will be leaving the country in a month? It would be utterly stupid. Shit, so what else can I do? I have to sell myself. Not in the prostitute kind of way. But the way that is some-what materialistic. I have to sell my things. I've never been much of a hoarder and I really don't have a lot of material possessions to claim to my name. What I do have are some books and clothes. Those won't really bring much cash. I had to think bigger. I had furniture that my parents weren't claiming as rent compensation so I considered them fair game to trade. This includes a couch, guitar, t.v, leather computer chair, and bike. To my surprise people were biting. I sold my computer chair the very next day. The couch will be going soon too and as for the bike...there's no telling how much longer I'll have that thing but I know that it's been my companion. It will be the hardest to let go. I was excited to get some money but at the same time it was sign. It was sign that my dreams were awakening. I didn't need that stupid chair anymore. What use is it for me anyway? I can't pack into a 50lb suitcase. I thought about moving to europe for years and years now, even before I left for college. It seemed so off into the distance that it was always just a dream, a dream that I never really had a grasp on. But when I sold that chair. It was so much more than just selling a chair, it was selling a bit of my life. The life that I made here. It brought this engulfing emotion to me that is hard to even categorize. I wasn't feeling happy but I wasn't feeling sad. It was a feeling that I've never felt before. I hopped on my bike almost immediately and rode it around the country side until I reached my destination. The miniature woods. The place close to my house where I've been going to reveal all my secrets. Sometimes to a friend or lover. But mostly, I just tell the woods. While I was riding, I started to cry. It came out nowhere and I wanted nothing more than for it stop. I didn't want anyone seeing me. I didn't want to look weak. Memories kept flashing through my mind of growing up here and I knew that it wasn't just my dreams that were awakening but it was yours too. You are moving to chicago the day after graduation. You are so utterly in love. You have a job in the field that you want. I'm so happy for you but I don't see where I fit in that dynamic. Maybe it would have been better if I left first, maybe I would feel like it was more me leaving you than the opposite way. I knew at that moment that I no longer had the time. The time to mend things. The time to banter about ridiculous things. The time to drink wine or go on a cruise. Those times are so over. At that moment, I realize, we are grown up and there's no going back. When I finally get to my tree trunk that's fallen over the tiny creek of my tiny woods. I sit there in silence. It's funny when you plan huge life alterations, you think of all the things you gain but it's not until the end where you realize the things your losing too. I look around at the overgrown brush, the running creek, the sky that is barely visible from the vibrant green leaves blocking it. "I'm going to have to lose you too", I say aloud to the woods.

Well I love London..

Next year, I'm going to be a nanny in Switzerland. I'll get four weeks paid vacation! I can visit loads of places. I'm in the center of Europe. France and Germany are literally 30 minute train rides away from me. I get to learn a new language (German) and work a job that will be difficult but a nice transition from 4 jam packed years of college to becoming an actual teacher. Yes! Yes! Yes! I'm so excited for this. But you know me, I love London. I've dreamt about living there since I was 14. And sometimes I get a little bummed out on myself, like why didn't I try harder to get a job there for next year? I guess ever since I heard how difficult it can be to get a Visa, I panicked...I didn't want to end up jobless in the states. I guess, what I'm saying and am worried about is "Will I ever make it there?" After talking to professors and friends. I've been looking into international schools in London. They actually have job openings! It's brilliant. There's one that seems so perfect and is only 15 minutes away from the center of London! They have like 10 job openings! For me, this means, that I will love it up next year travelling and seeing new things! But while I'm there, I'm about an hour on a plane from London therefore I can visit and interview easily :) . I am going to work my ass off trying to get a position like the one fore-mention. I'll move there as a young 23 year old. It has to, has to, happen. I know plans never happen. And life isn't what we ever want it to be. But this..this has to happen. If nothing else. No husband or children. It's this. I can't let myself down.

White Blank Page

Last week, it was warm enough to do one of my all time favorite things... watch the stars. As I was laying there with one of my bestfriends in one of our favorite parks, we were talking about me leaving the country soon and all of that. I turned over to him, in all seriousness... and said. I can't see my future, it's like a blank page and that scares me. I can't picture getting married or having children. I have no idea where I'll end up or who I'll end up with. I can't see me as an old woman. Is this normal? His answer wasn't very comforting at all. His answer...I can see me getting married, having my dog, and my children. Coaching soccer. The whole sha-bang. Ever since then, this thought has been running through my mind. Why can't I see it? Does anyone else feel this way? Is it because I'm single? Is it because I'm flighty? Is it because I'm ending this chapter of my life? Or because maybe I'm not meant to even live that long. ahhhhh! my thoughts are so loud that I can't hear my mouth..

From Matilda to Ms.Honey

Today we were assigned to write a reflection piece of the steps we've taken to become the teacher we are or want to be. As I was making that drive home down HWY 99 from OSU back to my house. I contemplated this question... Where did Sarah as a teacher begin. Was it the day I volunteered in Crista's class four years ago? Or was it rooted far before that. Of course it was. It really was. I had an "aha" moment in my brain. It started to make sense. The pieces were fitting together to the puzzle that was me. Let me indulge a bit. When I was a little girl, I was always told by family members that I looked like "Matilda" or the "the little girl from Ms.Doubtfire". As I look back on younger photos of me, they're totally right (besides the haircut)..we really did look alike. What they didn't know was that I didn't really connect with Matilda because of how she looked but because of who she was. Well yes my parents were no Wormwoods but at the same time they weren't helping me with homework or even checking it for that matter. Bedtimes didn't exist..neither did bedtime stories. Dad sat home every weekend watching the tele. Every time I tried to talk about something of meaning, my mum quickly changed the subject to hair styles, celebrities, or boys. She still does...and I can't begin to tell you how disheartening that is to me. I love my parents, I really do but the academic bar wasn't set high for me. I had this innate intrinsic motivation and love for school. I LOVED school. During the summers I had total freedom but between the ages 5-8 I spent many hours reading these "read and answer" type of books. They were my favorite past time for some reason, even though those are what most kids hate and are very similar to standardized testing. I loved reading and loved the feeling of getting the correct answer. I also had my math books that I would work on throughout the summer. My parents never told me to do them, I told them to take me the store to buy them. Isn't that what every other kid did during the summer? Well..that's what I thought back then. As I grew older I was always a major player in class discussions and took everything very seriously. One thing I can honestly say is that I never took for granted my learning. Now it's 2012, I ran into one of my good friends from Highschool who I had various classes with the other night. He gave me loads of hugs and in between he kept saying how proud he was of me and that I worked the hardest in school out everyone. Maybe that is and maybe that isn't but that gave me perspective. School was and always will be my "thing". Now back to Matilda, she was like me because she had this innate drive and love of learning. However, without Ms.Honey, I wonder how Matilda would have turned out? What would of become of her? I'm no longer a little girl or the student. I am changing roles from Matilda to Ms.Honey. I can only hope that I will be as nurturing, loving, and passionate about teaching as this fictional character was. Teachers like this are

how students like me and Matilda make it. I need to give that back, it's such a strong feeling. I feel like I need to give that to somebody. Lastly, Thank you Daniel Dawber for getting me. You have no idea how happy it made me the other day when I was describing the teacher I am and you said "Like Ms.Honey" without even knowing that I wanted to be like her.

I wonder how it's going to be when you don't know me anymore.

Another night. Where I can't sleep a wink. I think this is how it's going to be from now on. I really do. I'm graduating in a month and half! and Today I spent hours making invitations with my mum. Clearly, I had to do some thinking. Who was I going to invite to these shindigs? Would it be weird to invite ___ or ___. But they've made such an impact on my life that I couldn't imagine not inviting them to my big event. If it's been ages, will they still remember me? Or is it now inappropriate because of new life circumstances? I don't know, some of the most influential people in my life aren't the conventional family members that are automatically invited, but damnit they still need to know how much they mean to me. Which of course got me thinking about these people or the connections that brought me to them. I'm starting to realise how much I lost or am losing. I always think about the new life that I'm going to gain as soon as it's July 15th and the things that I'm going to gain with it. but lately at night it's hard to sleep because I know that this really is the end of an era for me and my life is going to look a lot different...which I hope it does. hmm I guess I'm left tonight with the thought of, Did I give you up? Or did you give up on me? sometimes I just want my sister back. or sometimes I want my bestfriend who will drink wine in a can with me. or just that person that I can call to talk about nothing with. I guess this is what fills my head at night lately. Distance isn't really just a measure of feet or miles...some of you are so close. It's like i'm reaching out for something and my finger tips can graze it but I can't actually get a hold of it. That's what you feel like to me. It's frustrating and little disappointing. If moving across the ocean isn't what's keeping us apart, then what the hell is?

Sometimes you've just got to let go.

When I was growing up in the late 1990's, there was a huge field by my house with abandoned farm houses, plum trees, a pond, and a huge tree where we built a rope swing and fort.

I can diverge and talk about how I loved growing up like that. Everyday was an adventure with my neighborhood friends.
It wasn't sitting at home playing (insert video game name here) in an enclosed room like many children do now.

But this is not what this post is about.

So let's continue..shall we?

One day when I was ten, I was walking home from school as I usually did with my usual group of friends.
I remember I saw it first..

I stopped in my tracks.

My tree fort and swing were torn down. Yellow caution tape covered the tree.

That was my first memorable moment where something beautiful that I helped create was torn to pieces without my consent.

I resented the houses that were later created. Those construction workers, those families, every person involved on that side of the street was the enemy. I felt personally attacked. They took away my fields...they took away everything that I've come to know.

About seven years later, when I got my beachcruiser after highschool graduation, I rode it all the time. I used to ride the path to Alton Baker on a weekly basis.
There was this white swinging bench facing the river about half way between the start of the bike path and the end. I would always sit on it to read or write or to just think.
I adored that bench.
I also felt this weird ownership to it. Even though it was so clearly not mine to keep.

I told you. I have somewhere special to take you before I leave this summer.

So, I came back to Eugene and the sun finally decided to show his face! I hopped on my beachcruiser at the first chance. I wanted to ride back to Alton Baker. I wanted to see my white bench.

I was getting closer and closer.

And then I looked over.

there were two poles, two hanging chains...

and a sad empty space.

I had that same feeling that I felt when I was ten. It was such a vivid feeling that you could almost bottle it up and put it on a shelf.

Once I made it to my final destination, I sat on another bench and I thought about this for a bit.

There was only one thing I could do.

I had to let it go.

because when things like that happen... there's no going back.

no matter how much you want to.

What kind of life do you dream of? You're allergic to love..

Today, I got to hang out with one of my friends who I haven't seen in ages! It was so nice, we just chatted in her car about life and reminisced about old times, boys, and everything in between. In between the reminiscing and boy talk, I remembered something...
Me and my last boyfriend broke up two years ago today.
You ask, why on earth do you remember this?
Well, it so happened to be on the night of an important event of my travel abroad life.

More importantly, that means that I have been a single lady for two years now. That's the longest I've gone since I was 13...

A lot of people right now are in serious relationships, living together, getting married, and even having children.

I guess, I've gone the opposite direction and I know I talk about this a lot but I really realized that my ideals have changed drastically the past few years.
I used to be that girl who lived with a boy, wrote sweet notes in the morning, brought cookies to his work, and slept beside someone every night with my tableside lamp on reading while he was tucked in the covers dreaming away.
I was a girlfriend kind of girl.
definitely.

The last couples years, I got the taste of the travelling life which included meeting loads of people, gaining knowledge and experience, and constantly feeling life like really really feeling like I'm alive.

So I came back and stopped searching for that husband esque person. I started searching for ways to become more knowledgable, and pouring my heart even more into school and research. I also, searched for those breath taking whimsical life moments that don't come from every day humdrum.

Yesterday, as I rode my bike along the river and eugene bike paths of alton baker. I saw this couple and I somehow just really envied them.

They sat on a bench. His Arm around her. Looking at the rapid river. Completely silent.

I decided, that's what I want.

I want a love where I don't have to say a single word at times but enjoy life for the company and everything along with it.

I think it's beautiful.

I really do.

100 days of Sarah.

Lastnight I couldn't fall asleep.

I laid on my bed in the dark by myself.

I didn't count sheep..I counted in my mind how many days were left until I moved to Europe.
31 (may) + 30 (june) + 15 (july) + 24 (April)= 100!!

It's strange, I never counted the days before but I had this instinct feeling to count them lastnight and it was perfectly 100.

100 days of Oregon...the United States. Then who knows when I'll be back.

I always knew when I would be back before. But now the world is so open and it's just me.

It still doesn't feel quite real.

100 days.

What does that mean? Well so far..

day 100: Slept in, made homemade french toast ( was craving it)...wasn't as good as my mums, worked out, went to the eugene public library, overhead two guys sitting by me talk about their time in prison, ate lunch at cheba hut (white widow never tasted so good), rode my beach cruiser around, saw my sissy, hung out with the parents.
song of today: sea of love by Cat Power.

I was walking with the ghost..(Get out of my mind)

Today I have felt bogged down.

I don't know why.

I feel sort of haunted all of the sudden. It's weird because I haven't felt this way..not like this..for a while.

Maybe it's because the term is ending, and the idea of me leaving for good is coming more and more real.

I can't help but think of all of the beautiful things that I had in this chapter in my life that got messed up in one way or another. These people and moments really truly feel like ghosts.it's like I can see them right before my eyes but they aren't really there. Lastnight I felt more alone than ever..maybe like someone should have been there beside me. But no one has been there beside me..in a long long time.
Why do all of the sudden, I feel so empty and longing for these past connections?
It's like if I don't have them now, they won't ever happen again, it's like it never existed.

I feel like Joel from Eternal Sunshine where he's pulling on the bedsheet, just whispering so strongly "Please let me keep this memory"

I guess I woke up in a funk.

Sands overrated anyway.

Girl you'll be a woman soon...

Today, it was so nice on campus. The blue skies were out, people were walking about with their orange and black gear on, and it was even warm enough to carelessly walk with no coat.
As I was listening to music and walking back to my car from a swim. I started to cry.
I can feel the knots in my stomach as if a cat was physically kneeding it's paws on my insides.
Two weeks.
That's it.
How did that happen?
I made a life in Corvallis and it seemed like yesterday...
When..
My dad was yelling at me that I was going to a "shit hole school" and one of my dear friends was having a complete meltdown that I was leaving.
I left and it wasn't easy. I pondered going to OSU during early fall term but I don't think if it wasn't for Alistair, I would have ever ended up here. Even if that didn't work out as how I wanted it to at the time, I'm happy I made that leap.
I met some of the best people in my life.
LJ, Laura, Alyssa, Eric, Elizabeth, Nikki, Tera and Brian. All of my Jambies. Our crazy adventures of sitting on roofs, skinny dipping in rivers, hurdling tera down my street, singing at the top of our lungs to mgmt and vampire weekend. Those are the authentic college experiences that I think everyone needs to enjoy. It's crazy that within two years all of us have spread out to different parts of the world from Brazil to Spain to Chicago to Germany to New York. Our carefree lively spirits didn't just end with the passing summer sun, we are the people that we've always wanted to become and even if I miss you, I know that your doing what you love.

Most of all, there's that one person. That one person that completes your other half. Going to OSU wouldn't have been the same without you. Shit, nothing would be the same without you. Michael, from the blowy nights of walking miles in the rain down the traditional walk down Harrison St. to letting the know world that we were the clintons to making valentine creations with mass amounts of franzia to even just lying in bed way to late talking too eachother about everything. Will we ever feel that free again? Will I ever feel as connected with someone? I don't know.

Moving here has been one of those life decisions that I am so happy that I made. It changed everything and made me a much bolder/stronger person than ever before.
I already miss it.
But all of my friends are moving on. Figuratively and literally.
There isn't really much here for me anymore.
I need to go back to Eugene, I need to spend my last few months in the States with my family. I need to finish where I started.
I have to pack my bags because it's time to move on.

"We are young, we run free, keep our teeth nice and clean, see our friends, see the sights, feel alright"

Wastin away again in margaritaville

Aloha,

So I spent three weeks in Oahu, Hawaii from December 17th to January 5th. I'll post about my teaching experiences on my other blog but let me indulge on here and dibble dabble on my own island living experience.

Stories:

#1: Wastin away again in Margaritaville: As we were finishing up our first big 45 hour week with the kids; myself and two of my friends decided it was time to experience Waikiki and the beach.I spent six days on this island without seeing a beach. I was antsy to say the least. However, I lived on an airforce base and the president was flying to Honolulu that night on airforce one, of course. We didn't know what time, it's all very hush hush but once he lands the whole base is on lock down and nobody can come in or out. We wanted to go out so we were going against the clock. Dressing as fast as possible, running down 9 flights of stairs, people yelling at us from balconies saying that we were never going to make it. But WE DID! WE GOT OUT! This was the start of one of my funnest nights during the trip. We sat on the beach, talked, laughed, told stories, i jumped in the water in my dress, and then we walked. We saw this hawaiian band playing. Beau insisted on them playing Margritaville. As for me, I was high on life, I was near the beach, listening to great music and enjoying the company of my new friends. So I thought what the hell and made beau dance with me to the song. I definitely tripped and fell on the bands equipment. I didn't let that stop me, we continued dancing, but my friends who witnessed this especially Sam, didn't let me live it down.

#2: I work out? For christmas eve and christmas I hung out with ryan,jen,sami,and abby for the most part. We had dinner at the infamous dukes (where I tried Hula pie..for free!) and hard rock cafe (which is a first for me). It was a very relaxing weekend. Went up to northshore and sandy beach to swim. Went on a hike by the 50 first dates lighthouse where we could see miles away in each direction (it was beautiful and green everywhere), walked along cliffs by the ocean, snorkled at hanuama bay, and drove around. Each time we drove the same rhianna song would come on and so would "i'm sexy and I know it". I will always think of hawaii whenever I am fortunate or unfortunate to be graced by these songs. We also saw this hilarious street performer. "This is not easy...This is sexy!".

#3 Western Friday: The last hoorah for the 20 or so of us all together was at the country bar on base. Tried to line dance..for the second time in my life. I remember thinking about life while I was dancing. I'm not a country girl in the least bit but I couldn't help but laugh, smile, and keep on dancing. Isn't that what life is about anyways? You keep on dancing and most importantly smile and enjoy it, even if it isn't your favorite or normal tune. I couldn't help but think about all the tunes I've danced to either, from german ballads on german tables to irish pubs with new friends to rome beds with my bestfriends to margaritaville the pervious week and now this. I realized I haven't just done a lot of dancing, I've done a lot of living!

#4 Aloha 2012 The morning of December 31st started at 6:00am for me, after not getting back from line dancing until 2:00am. As I lay in my heavenly cloud-like bed in my own hotel room, I thought "It's 6:00am on a saturday, I have to pack my 50 lbs worth of things, walk them down a mile of Waikiki to a hostel with a sub par bed, noise, and no air-conditioning. Suffice it to say, that may have been one of the hardest times to get out of bed since Edinburgh circa August 24th. But I did it! unfortunately not everyone else who I was going with stuck with this early plan. Molly and I were the only ones down stairs. We ended up hanging out in her room for about an hour until all of us were ready to jam luggage ( 7 peoples' worth) into Robyn's rental car. We were in such a big hurry that I had to leave my things at their hostel which was a mile away from my own. We went to the swap meet and with a little bit of Laura's awesome but bad influence I spent way too much money there on souvenirs and such. We also, ran into this guy "Frankie" who gave us a $40 bargain on a pub crawl later that night with entry/1 drink at each bar included. Sounds pretty good for New Years Eve, I'd say! Sign us up!! After travelling on a bus back to waikiki from Aloha Stadium it's about 3:30 and I had a checklist before meeting my friends for dinner/pubcrawl. 1. drag my luggage to the other new hostel and check in 2. shower and get ready 3. buy a new years eve dress 4. walk back to their hostel.
So #1 With my drawn out directions, I start heading towards the international market where my hostel is. It's just me, foreign streets, my purple suitcase, duffle bag, ipod, and a time crunch. hmm I've been in this scenario before, it took me back to a place in my heart that I love, I was back in traveler Sarah mode and even with lack of sleep and the hawaiian suns rays touching my every being, I felt oddly alive at that moment. I made it to my hostel, I'm becoming more direction saavy. This started to happen during my second summer due to the lack of travelling with the most brilliant bird in the world (Brigette)! Anyways once I get to hostel I chat with a gay russian receptionist about him turning 21 that night. He was hilarious!
#2 Got to my room, showered, did all the girl things. etc.
#3 Bought a white lacy dress and gold necklace from the BIGGEST forever 21 in the world. It was Amazing! and I'm lucky that my money didn't run out right then and there.
#4 On the road again! back to my friends hostel aka Waikiki beachside hostel.
It's about 7:00pm this time and all of us have high spirits of the night and are lookin our darn best. Drinking bacardi and sprite in red plastic cups to start off our night.
So we go downstairs and there's this live band who have that very hawaiian sort of sound. They played Tom Petty songs and Sublime and Oasis. "Life's too short so love the one you got!". Even got to hear/sing Last dance with Mary Jane with my fellow Tom Petty lover Molly. We had amazing FREE dinner which consisted of stringbeans, mashed potatoes, and potroast. They even gave us those fun new years blowers and happy new years hats and crowns. We took photos with hula dressed men. Then we were off to the PubCrawl...

I'll leave you with that cliff hanger.

But I'll give you a few spoilers: there were stolen leis, homeless dogs, and aussies that came from that night. And after a little bit of drama we only had to pay $20 for that pubcrawl which consisted of about 4 drinks for me and not paying one cover. I'd say worth it..especially in the "Hi".

Stay Tuned to Find out More!

Aloha!