There must be something between us, even if it's only an ocean

As time is ticking and uncertainty is the only thing certain, I can't help but endlessly think of possible future scenarios. But tonight, I wanted to watch someone else's love story. And as I was looking through all the fictitious romance films, I realised something about my own non-fiction relationship. This is a romance worth watching. And part of me doesn't want that, I like seeing Michael everyday, making dinner, evening t.v series, playing cards, morning snuggles, drinks with friends, and repeat. You know, all of the non-movie worthy stuff of a relationship. But in the larger scheme of things, we aren't in an easily paved path to forever and ever (the one I have seen many times before) and we never have been. I met him on a plane; I am American and he is British/German. I should have known then, that things would never be conventional. We have gone from long distance to living down the road to living together and soon....and soon we could be miles apart or even an Atlantic ocean apart. This is a road that is unpaved, curvy and sometimes even dark. Some days are absolutely beautiful with so much love and laughter. Others, are full of fear and heart ache. It may just be a love that is all over the world, where sometimes we are together and sometimes we are not. But one thing that I have learnt through these trials is that the when someone means the world, the world cannot tear you apart...no matter what.

Did I say I'm just a Girl? You can hold me to that.

Dear Blog, Time is a funny thing. I always loved summer. It was always a time when life was carefree and full of wonderment. A time when I could roam various European cities with new friends or a time when I could take road-trips to the nearby beaches or lakes with old ones. It always meant that nights would be infinite and bed-time would only come after hours of dancing or hours of chatting beneath the stars. This summer does not feel like that at all. I guess it makes sense though, for once, I dreaded that the summer months would come; I would have preferred to keep autumn, winter, or spring in my grasp. In a way, this summer is also full of wonders. But not the ones I have been fortunate enough to be accustomed to. I wonder if I will be able to stay here and continue on with my life and my love. I wonder if the world will tear me apart from a place I truly love and more importantly a person who I love even more. I wonder if the phone will ring and tell me that I have an interview? I constantly wonder how I am going to defy the odds of living in a generation where having a degree is a dime a dozen and a generation where border control is unyielding and unforgiving? Rather than staying up until the wee hours discussing grand future endeavors, I find myself waking up in the wee hours in a panic and finding it hard to physically breathe. Life feels the opposite of carefree, it feels so burdensome and so scary. My parents always bigged me up and made me feel like I was truly unstoppable, That I, Sarah Elizbaeth Demoran, can conquer the world. But at the end of the day, I am just a girl.