The Pool of Tears.

Dear Blog, Recently, I have been reading Alice and Wonderland to my Swiss kids. Even if it is complex and has old confusing english language, they seem to be enjoying it still. However, that's besides the point. As you surely know, Alice is in a world of unknown by herself, trying to figure out where she's going...even though the funny thing is...she's trying to get somewhere but has not a clue where she even wants to go. Sometimes I feel like this. Where am I going? What am I doing? The scariest question is "Who am I anymore?". It can make a persons head spin. This week though, I could relate to this chapter titled "The Pool of Tears". It's been one of those weeks where there have been so many ups and downs. I don't want bore you with every little detail but I will tell you this. Alice drank a bottle that said "drink me", it made her small...she was happy for a moment because she could fit through the door that she wanted to make it through soooo badly. But then she realised, that she left the key on top of the normal sized table that was now much too tall for her now. Alas another challenge for Alice to face. After a bit of struggling, she found hope in a cake that was labeled "Eat me". It let her become tall enough to get the key, however, now she was much too tall for the door!! Poor Alice! She cried and cried and cried some more. Once again, she became small leaving the key on the table and now faced with another challenge..a "pool of tears". Did she make it through the door? And if she did, was the otherside everything that she hoped for? I feel like Alice because I want to get through that door so badly. I find a way to do it and then something goes wrong. I can't do that way, that try isn't going to work. I become upset. Then I become motivated to make it work again. But once again, I was let down. This time the let down was even worse because the lady on the phone said "impossible" and it made me cry. A lot. It made me lose hope. And now, I am trying to get through door, a whole new way. A way that doesn't involve the key. Just like Alice did in the end. I hope like Alice that I, too, can find my way home. Not in the literal sense but the feeling sort of way.

Ragged Woods.

Dear Blog, Sorry I neglected you, yet again. You see, I spent two marvelous weeks in the UK with the most amazing person in the whole entire world and really could not be bothered doing anything else but enjoying every minute with him. But alas, I am now back in Switzerland on my own. I do have you blog, and for that, I am thankful for. I'm not sure if you read or not but in a few posts back, I ranted about my little woods that I lived next to when I was in Eugene. It was a place to contemplate and let things go. Now after living here for almost two months, I have found that place. It's only about a five minute walk from my house. It's huge, undisturbed, noiseless, and even a little mystical. The trees are skinny and tall, their multi coloured leaves arch the pathway, allowing just the perfect amount of sun to shine through. I've been there the past few days walking aimlessly and enjoying the beautiful fall colours. I felt like Winnie from Tuck Everlasting. Eyes-wide, looking around, trying to see what kind of adventure I can get myself into. It's strange though, I always find comfort in the woods. I'm not exactly sure why but i think that the woods make me feel free. Free from the past, free from worrying about the future, and just generally free from everything. And sometimes..that can be a nice feeling. But let me get something off my chest. Something I really thought about in the woods.. I feel like ever since I was young; I've always had something attached to me. Like a "do no wrong" essence/ "nice girl". And I carried that with me. Not only do people have these standards for me, but I do for myself. But I'm not perfect even now matter how hard I tried or try. Which kills my conscious, I want to be perfect so bad. Sometimes it haunts me though, every little mistake that I've made. And moving to Europe, I thought it would be like starting from scratch. Life isn't that simple though. I guess all we can do is to live and learn and understand that no one is perfect.