Motes and boats and waterfalls. Alleyways and pay phone calls

Journal exert from August 30th 2011

I sit on the edge of Crater lake; a huge abyss is beneath me filled with perfectly blue rippled water. No swimmers, no boats; a completely undisturbed part of the world. As i'm trying to take it all in I hear my sis and mum say that I must get down. "Are you trying to kill yourself by doing that Sarah". I sigh, I don't feel like I'm in any danger and I can't comprehend how anyone can grasp the beauty from any other view. I still continue sitting there with my feet dangling off the edge. I wanted to feel the wind as it's intended to be felt. Powerful. Unyielding. Unapologetic. Real. Places and moments like these or anything really are constantly wasted on superficial film purposes. I want something more than that even if it meant that my family was waiting inside the rental impala for me. I could probably sit there for hours but ultimately that wasn't up to me. My mind wandered as it tends to do. I could think of only one person in the world who might just want to sit up there along with me. Maybe just maybe. I'm quite the good daydreamer but alas I come down to reality. I'm just as alone and left to be as the lake beneath my dangling feet.

Sitting in an English garden waiting for the sun.

An exert from a journal I wrote a few days ago.

August 27th 2011

Currently, I am in London England at a park near Fulham Broadway sitting on a bench with a spectrum of noises surrounding me including the overhead plane flying past, the tube railway's train driving nearby, the children playing, and the birds gawking. It's all very relaxing. A mix of life all coming together as I sit here just watching it all. My three month Euro-journey is coming to an end ( in a long grueling 30 hr long sort of way). The tears always seem to swell up in my eyes when I think about it. I feel so much more at home here than there. I've grown past that life that I have left, it's like regressing everytime I go back to that place. When I was younger I wanted to live in London and now the electricity of that dream is circulating throughout my whole body. I cant feel it..I'm so close to it. In the span of one year I've succeeded in visiting twice. For an Eugene girl who came from quite little this is a feat that I can't cease to be proud about. Italy, Germany, here and everywhere in between brings me a special feeling of happiness. It's all a lot to fully process and I feel like I never have a chance to do so. I am ALWAYS on the move. I can't look back while I move forward. Always moving forward. Is it too much? I bought this antique-esque necklace clock the other day in Leceister Square, the man set it for the english time of course. I'll never change it though. No matter where I'm at I will always know what time it is in London.

Forever and ever you'll stay in my heart.

And I will Love you..

During these last three months, I spent a lot of time with Michelle. My room mate who I just crack up with daily. Walking around in barely any clothes with, eating top ramen with, jumping on roman hostel beds with, drinking spritz with, having our dinner and sex nights with. I spent a plethora of glorious moments with this human.

Also the rest of my "beezy" crew. The five completely different human beings that were stuck together for the summer. We created this bond that I have loved. From dancing in the rain to crying in laughter to never actually watching a movie. I will miss them dearly once we all go our different directions in the world.

But...

The ones who I spent the most time with this summer, were my kindergartners. Typing this is even bringing me to tears. I try not to get attached to people. I've noticed in life that they come and go and to become less attached...the better. I couldn't help it though. These children have impacted my life tremendously. Together 40 hours a week for 12 weeks. How can life be okay again without my "goodmorning ms.sarah" every morning. Or having them repeat different languages to me or the mass amounts of hugs and love I get everyday. Swing dancing with them and creeping around the classroom to the inspector gaget song. Every one of them has something about them that I adore. I wish I could see them grow, I wish they could remember me forever. I know that I'll remember them forever. It's the first time in life that I felt that I had my OWN classroom. I had control of what to do and how to handle things. It taught me a lot about being a teacher. I had many moments where my patience was tested or my heart broken from the lives some of these children have to live. If I could I would take them home with me. My last day in the Kinder room is tomorrow and it doesn't feel real. Won't I see them again on Monday? I notice myself getting a little excited every sunday night to go back to this kinder room of mine but this monday I won't be going back.

The life of the traveler really does have it's downsides. Saying goodbye...Will when I ever perfect this art form?

Fuck. This is so hard.

You'll never reach the end of the road while you're travelling with me...

I've been here for over two months. Time has been a weird thing. On one hand I feel like I've been living this life forever and there's nothing to come back to but on the other hand I feel like I've just arrived and summer just started. It's bittersweet for me. I love Italy. I love the culture where the piazzas are crowded and there's more wine than water. I love the people and how they are themselves; just walking around topless on the beaches or saying it like it is to whoever. Nothings reserved with them. It's like a breath of fresh air to me. Some people I travel with take offense or are disgusted in these ways but i like it. Today, I went to Lake Garda and kayaked. It was amazing, I loved it. Kayaking was soothing but a work out too. The lake was warm and the sights were beautiful. We were lucky enough to kayak through part of this castle. There were swans around which just added to the whole thing, it was like some sort of fairytale. The whole thing was very picturesque. At that moment, I thought about it all. The whole summer and everything that I've done. Hiking hours in Cinque terre, parasailing in Croatia, Writing to Juliet, making wishes in the Trevi, running on the shore of the beach, looking at the vicenza stars, playing cards in the piazza, gondola rides in venice, kayaking, endless gelato. How I'm going to miss all of these moments and this new adopted lifestyle. I'm not ready to go back to it...to Oregon. I have yet to be "homesick" which is also bittersweet. Mostly..sweet. This is just more confirmation that I can do it. I can move after I graduate this year. I'm strong enough for this without wanting to be back. All of my friends are moving on with their lives in different ways than I am which is what it is. It's my time for me too but I know it won't, can't, and will never be the way most of my friends choose. I hope it's not seen as selfish or completely nuts. I want to live in so many places. I really really do. Even thinking about signing up for a two year contract freaks me out, that may just be too long at my age. Not too long to be away from "home" ( or whatever you want to call it)..but because there's so many places to live and over one year in one place is a little long. We will see what happens with that. But as this blog is titled...I hold that as true as I can with the funds I currently have. On August 19th after my Italy adventure is finally up, I'm going back to Munster to visit my british mates for a few days and then up to Edinburgh for fringe and London for fun with my friend Nina. I can't wait to see this places again. Travelling with Nina will surely be great too, I feel like we're on the same page with our ideas on the whole thing and have a similar travel outlook as well. Lastly, before that plane takes me back to Oregon. I get to go to Newyork, Boston, and Capecod with my family. This is a dream come true to me. I've always talked to my dad about Boston. I used to wear boston gear when I was a toddler. I grew up with my dad staying up late to watch the redsox. Now at the age of 21 (perfect) I'll be there with him as well as my sister and mum. Everything seems perfect. There's just this one thing...but isn't there always? Oh blogspot, One day I will try to treat you better than a stand by boyfriend but there are places to see. Oh there are places to see..
Ciao! x x x