I was walking with the ghost..(Get out of my mind)

Today I have felt bogged down.

I don't know why.

I feel sort of haunted all of the sudden. It's weird because I haven't felt this way..not like this..for a while.

Maybe it's because the term is ending, and the idea of me leaving for good is coming more and more real.

I can't help but think of all of the beautiful things that I had in this chapter in my life that got messed up in one way or another. These people and moments really truly feel like ghosts.it's like I can see them right before my eyes but they aren't really there. Lastnight I felt more alone than ever..maybe like someone should have been there beside me. But no one has been there beside me..in a long long time.
Why do all of the sudden, I feel so empty and longing for these past connections?
It's like if I don't have them now, they won't ever happen again, it's like it never existed.

I feel like Joel from Eternal Sunshine where he's pulling on the bedsheet, just whispering so strongly "Please let me keep this memory"

I guess I woke up in a funk.

Sands overrated anyway.

Girl you'll be a woman soon...

Today, it was so nice on campus. The blue skies were out, people were walking about with their orange and black gear on, and it was even warm enough to carelessly walk with no coat.
As I was listening to music and walking back to my car from a swim. I started to cry.
I can feel the knots in my stomach as if a cat was physically kneeding it's paws on my insides.
Two weeks.
That's it.
How did that happen?
I made a life in Corvallis and it seemed like yesterday...
When..
My dad was yelling at me that I was going to a "shit hole school" and one of my dear friends was having a complete meltdown that I was leaving.
I left and it wasn't easy. I pondered going to OSU during early fall term but I don't think if it wasn't for Alistair, I would have ever ended up here. Even if that didn't work out as how I wanted it to at the time, I'm happy I made that leap.
I met some of the best people in my life.
LJ, Laura, Alyssa, Eric, Elizabeth, Nikki, Tera and Brian. All of my Jambies. Our crazy adventures of sitting on roofs, skinny dipping in rivers, hurdling tera down my street, singing at the top of our lungs to mgmt and vampire weekend. Those are the authentic college experiences that I think everyone needs to enjoy. It's crazy that within two years all of us have spread out to different parts of the world from Brazil to Spain to Chicago to Germany to New York. Our carefree lively spirits didn't just end with the passing summer sun, we are the people that we've always wanted to become and even if I miss you, I know that your doing what you love.

Most of all, there's that one person. That one person that completes your other half. Going to OSU wouldn't have been the same without you. Shit, nothing would be the same without you. Michael, from the blowy nights of walking miles in the rain down the traditional walk down Harrison St. to letting the know world that we were the clintons to making valentine creations with mass amounts of franzia to even just lying in bed way to late talking too eachother about everything. Will we ever feel that free again? Will I ever feel as connected with someone? I don't know.

Moving here has been one of those life decisions that I am so happy that I made. It changed everything and made me a much bolder/stronger person than ever before.
I already miss it.
But all of my friends are moving on. Figuratively and literally.
There isn't really much here for me anymore.
I need to go back to Eugene, I need to spend my last few months in the States with my family. I need to finish where I started.
I have to pack my bags because it's time to move on.

"We are young, we run free, keep our teeth nice and clean, see our friends, see the sights, feel alright"