I wonder how it's going to be when you don't know me anymore.

Another night. Where I can't sleep a wink. I think this is how it's going to be from now on. I really do. I'm graduating in a month and half! and Today I spent hours making invitations with my mum. Clearly, I had to do some thinking. Who was I going to invite to these shindigs? Would it be weird to invite ___ or ___. But they've made such an impact on my life that I couldn't imagine not inviting them to my big event. If it's been ages, will they still remember me? Or is it now inappropriate because of new life circumstances? I don't know, some of the most influential people in my life aren't the conventional family members that are automatically invited, but damnit they still need to know how much they mean to me. Which of course got me thinking about these people or the connections that brought me to them. I'm starting to realise how much I lost or am losing. I always think about the new life that I'm going to gain as soon as it's July 15th and the things that I'm going to gain with it. but lately at night it's hard to sleep because I know that this really is the end of an era for me and my life is going to look a lot different...which I hope it does. hmm I guess I'm left tonight with the thought of, Did I give you up? Or did you give up on me? sometimes I just want my sister back. or sometimes I want my bestfriend who will drink wine in a can with me. or just that person that I can call to talk about nothing with. I guess this is what fills my head at night lately. Distance isn't really just a measure of feet or miles...some of you are so close. It's like i'm reaching out for something and my finger tips can graze it but I can't actually get a hold of it. That's what you feel like to me. It's frustrating and little disappointing. If moving across the ocean isn't what's keeping us apart, then what the hell is?