Helplessness Blues

What happens when you want to run away from the place you ran to? 4 months, 15 days. I've been in Switzerland. I have about 7 more months ahead of me... I feel like I wake up just to close the curtains. I want to be adventurous. Spontaneous. Carefree Sarah. But I don't feel like I'm living. Not at all. It's like I'm falling in a bottomless pit and with each day, I feel a foot deeper...making it harder to get out of the pit. I feel so helpless. I don't want to be here but I don't want to be "home"...that would be even worse. And let's say I even did want to go "home"...there's not even a place for me to go to. I love Europe. I love Munster, I love Vicenza, and the UK. But Switzerland...I have never felt a connection with. I feel like there's no where to go. Which is the hardest thought to grasp.