It's time to begin... isn't it?

Dear Blog, That morning, we woke up at 4:00am. He turned on the lights. It was so bright. I remember that vividly...it was way too bright for what time it was. Can't we just go back to sleep? Wake up when we want, make tea and banter? Not this morning. After a lot of convincing, he got me up. We trudged about a mile or so to Waverly Station. At the time I was conflicted, the walk was painful, cold, dark, and uphill...I was too tired for that. I wanted the walk to be over. At the same time..I didn't. It meant much more than a stupid walk being over, it meant that summer was over. Our carefree weekends in various euro cities and the week that I just spent in the cottage...making cookies, waking up late, running around in meadows, laughing all the time, and dancing in our pub...was over. I know that we'll have more memories like that but I just wanted them to last so bad...I wanted to stay. I always thought everytime I left the UK..that I left my heart with it but this time I really did, I swear to god, I did. Finally, once the bus came..I held back. I didn't cry. He didn't say much. Then I let his hand go, walked on the bus and the bus driver was so unbelievably rude to me. I sat by myself and lost all control. I cried, and I cried hard. It brought me back to a year ago when I left my kindergartners in Italy and I took a bus all by myself to the airport straight after work. It was a cry that couldn't be stopped even though I wanted it to. There were people in pretty much every seat for christ sake...and I...I was a hot mess...an uncontrollably one at that. And then I was on my own I went to Michaels parents house for the afternoon since it was close to the airport and I could be in Frankfurt whenever I wanted. It was a Sunday, I needed to pick up my visa at the swiss consulate on Monday. All in All.. I adore them, they make me feel a part of the family and I've only met them on two occasions. His dad helped me get on the train with my two luggages at the end of the day. He kissed my cheek and waved goodbye as the train took off. I really was on my own now and I couldn't help but cry a little again. Franfurt..I hated it. I really did, I swear to god. Basically when monday afternoon hit and everythining at the consulate went smoothly, I got the hell out of there and started on my way to SWITZERLAND!!!!!!!!! I'll talk more about the family and kids in another blog...don't you worry! But for now, let me tell you, that I live on top of a hill...currently I am sitting outside on my own terrace that connects to my room. I can see all of the houses, some look so small that I could pick them up by my hands and set them on my palms. The village is surrounded by hills. It's so beautiful! I wish I could do it justice, but Blog..I really don't think I can. I'm sorry. This weekend, I went to Colmar, France, it's in the lovely famous wine region of Alsace... I went completely and utterly alone. As soon as I got to Basel SBB, I went to go to the french platforms, there was a sign there that said "France" with a sliding door. My heart fluttered! It was such a cool feeling, I stood between these sliding doors just for about 20 seconds..I was in two places at once, Switzerland and France. I felt like I was on a "Walk to Remember". In that moment...I felt infinite. Oh by the way, in preparation for the movie, I've been reading the perks of being a wallflower..for about my 4th time, so this entry may be full of references that you may or may not get. At the moment, I feel both happy and sad, and I wonder how that could be My emotions were running high..I don't know what's wrong with me, I feel constantly on the verge of tears. There were times where I wanted to cry because everything around me was just so beautiful in Colmar. It was like a fairytale, cut out hearts in the colorful shudders of the houses, cobblestone roads, bakeries, cheese shops, biscuits/ chocolate shops galoure! It was authentic too...no one spoke a lick of english. As I walked around, I would say the signs that I saw aloud to myself in the best french accent that I could muster up. It was silly but I thoroughly enjoyed it. I wish I was learning french instead of German. It's a gorgeous language..it really is! "Sont de mont qui von tre bien ensemble...tre bien ensemble"...thank you beatles, thats almost as much as I really know. During my day in Colmar, I went shopping for souvenirs, after being here for 2 months, it's about time to send some love back, right? I went shopping for clothes, found an awesome maroon cord skirt..while trying things on..this song came on..one of those songs that puts you in a good mood and makes you feel alive..well it came on so while I was trying on clothes..I was dancing and jumping around. Once again, in that moment, I felt infinite. After the shopping, It was time for a snack. Tried an onion torte, thanks for 'Mum's suggestion. Really though, I don't even think I would have thought about going to Colmar without their suggestion during my graduation. Another great family that I'm so happy to have in my life. Anyways, I got off on tangents way too much, so I walked around a bit..ended up finding myself a Marche aka french market. Drank a few glasses of wine! Brilliant! I wanted to keep shopping around after that but then my wine haze started to hit. Made my way to a lovely french park and read the perks of being a wallflower and took a tiny nap. That's when I realised..when I am alone or feeling lonely, I look to my books and my writing. I want to feel connected with someone when I read or with my writing, I want someone to feel connected with me. It makes me feel less alone. And right now, I could really use that. I want you know, that I meant what I said, I really am both happy and sad. However, I am living the life that I always wanted to and I feel so lucky for that. I take it in, I appreciate everything. This isn't everyone's life. Some people don't make it out...even when they want to. It's not an easy life to live though. Constant goodbyes and change. It can be hard but someone once told me that if it's not difficult...it's not worth it. And I believe it. With every bit of me.