Did I say I'm just a Girl? You can hold me to that.

Dear Blog, Time is a funny thing. I always loved summer. It was always a time when life was carefree and full of wonderment. A time when I could roam various European cities with new friends or a time when I could take road-trips to the nearby beaches or lakes with old ones. It always meant that nights would be infinite and bed-time would only come after hours of dancing or hours of chatting beneath the stars. This summer does not feel like that at all. I guess it makes sense though, for once, I dreaded that the summer months would come; I would have preferred to keep autumn, winter, or spring in my grasp. In a way, this summer is also full of wonders. But not the ones I have been fortunate enough to be accustomed to. I wonder if I will be able to stay here and continue on with my life and my love. I wonder if the world will tear me apart from a place I truly love and more importantly a person who I love even more. I wonder if the phone will ring and tell me that I have an interview? I constantly wonder how I am going to defy the odds of living in a generation where having a degree is a dime a dozen and a generation where border control is unyielding and unforgiving? Rather than staying up until the wee hours discussing grand future endeavors, I find myself waking up in the wee hours in a panic and finding it hard to physically breathe. Life feels the opposite of carefree, it feels so burdensome and so scary. My parents always bigged me up and made me feel like I was truly unstoppable, That I, Sarah Elizbaeth Demoran, can conquer the world. But at the end of the day, I am just a girl.

America isn't so bad...if you don't think.

After spending about two years abroad, my mind is thoroughly set...I am slashing a major notion. This notion is of course one that is brainwashed into our beings from birth and that is of course, that America is the greatest damn nation to ever exist. Bare in mind a few things if you decide to continue. I am coming at this from a feminist and children's rights perspective. Also, I am only comparing America to other developed countries. I am completely aware that where I come from isn't the worse place on earth or that I have been severely deprived. So here it goes Sarah's top reasons why America isn't so great 1. America is individualistic to the core. For instance, let's talk about raising children. Did you know that other countries such as holland, germany, and the UK give you a monthly allowance if you have children? No not welfare children but ALL children. This is an inconceivable notion as an American. But raising children is a social thing. Parents do not carry the entire weight of raising a child. But The society puts interest in children for the sake of producing productive people for the common good. 2. America promotes debt. Our own president even admitted to recently paying off his student loans. I think it says something that I can move 7,000 miles away to a prestigious international school to get a Master's degree and still be paying less than if I would have continued at OSU or UofO. Also, other countries have free university such as Denmark or they pay very very little to go. Worst case scenario; Europeans have loans for school but they never accrue interests AND you don't have to start paying until you make "X" amount of money. Whereas me being an American is accruing interest as we speak and will have to pay off massive loans even if I don't have a brilliant high paying job. Why aren't more people outraged?!?! 3. Entities for the common good don't exist. Universal healthcare (people are still fighting that) which is inconceivable to non-americans. Once again, this goes to individualism. We care about ourselves and if we can provide for our family. We don't think about other people. At all. Period. It is working for other places and if us Americans can get off our own highhorse and think about the common good...than this should not be an issue. Another point, why do we invest so little in our children? The law is 3 months unpaid maternity leave (this may be better if you have an awesome employer) but this is the general standard. Whereas many countries it's 6 months + and paid. Places like France have universal free childcare. In the U.S if you want to send your child to a decent pre-school or nursery you are shelling out heaps of money. 4. Our money is spent on war. The pentagon controls most of the money allocation. Our money is going overseas and not at home!!! What are we trying to even accomplish there, really? oil? If you look at the top countries who spend the most on war..we are #1 obviously but #2 still spends far far less. How are we okay with that? This all springs from.. learning about the United Nations Child's Rights Conventions. TWO countries didn't sign. Somalia and the U.S. Somalia doesn't have government. I think this is enough to make anyone question where America's priorities lie.

Little Darling

Friday morning. 9:30am. I woke up in Michael's bed in Edinburgh. He had to go to class so I got a goodmorning kiss and a wee snuggle before he was off. Then I was on my own, I was tempted to back to sleep for a bit longer since my meeting wasn't until 11:30 but the sun was shining and I was happily awake. I hopped in the shower and slowly got up for the morning. Made michael's bed and left a note. After that, it was my turn to be off to my meeting with the international department at the University of Edinburgh. I gave myself extra time to make a quick stop for a tea to go. It was just me and my cuppa walking carelessly along the sunny streets of Edinburgh. I took each step with ease and occasionally stopped for a sip of tea. I made my way to exact building without a second guess and I felt like I belonged. I had my tea, sun, tunes, university, city, and my morning kiss. This is how life is supposed to feel like. After the successful meeting, I had a few hours to be with my city. I walked to the baked potatoe shop that I have visited everytime I've been here. I sat in the warmth and loved it every bite of it. Then I walked around the Royal Mile, stopped and found the BEST FUDGE SHOP IN THE WORLD! it's absolutely amazing and Michael loves it. So I bought a slab to bring home to him. The guy out sampling saw me walking out and he said "hey look at that girl, she has a bounce in her step and it's because of our chocolate". You were right, I did have a bounce in my step that day but it wasn't solely because of your scrumptious fudge. Then, the moment came where I put on "Here comes the sun" as I was walking around the busy "Princes Street". The shops were on my right and the castle/grassy hill/park was on my left. I looked around while i listened and at that moment I knew this is exactly where I need to be. I don't think that there was a happier person on all of Princes Street than me at that moment. I came home back to michael's cottage afterwards. Surprised him with fudge, relaxed for a bit, and then read my novel right beside him as he studied for his exams. Later on we had beer in the meadow with some friends and ate at Nandos for dinner. It was the perfect day. Simple but absolutely perfect. I got in. I have my money. If nothing life shattering happens in these next 3 months. I'm moving there. I'm really moving to the UK.

The Perks of Being Across the English Channel

Dear Blog, As you know, I met this guy named Michael. Well we may like each other a little bit. A little bit sooo much that we decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend even though that meant being apart for basically an entire year. Not "apart" apart..I mean hell I saw him 3 weeks ago and will see him again in 4 days. What I'm trying to say is that I'm dating this really good looking man with awesome eyelashes and a huge fantastic smile who happens to live an inconvenient distance away from me. It's really easy to think of all the negatives and strains that come along with it...like waking up alone in your swiss twin bed to screaming children or not having someone to kill the plethora of spiders who reside in the same house..and obviously not having someone to ummmm have fun with? Anyways if you are thinking about embarking on such an endeavor just try to look on the bright side. Here is the list of all the good things about dating someone far away. 1. Not having to consistently shave my legs. Who am I trying to impress...really? 2. Having bad breath on dates is okay. People can't smell over skype. 3. Shamelessly snoring. Aka going to bed without the fear of being shaken every hour. 4. Facing Fears. Spiders aren't going to kill themselves, have you ever heard of a suicidal spider? Radioactive..yes. Suicidal..I don't think so. 5. Maintaining a degree of independence. It can be nice to still have your own individual identity sometime. 6. Not sharing. Sometimes I just want to eat the ENTIRE pizza...okay? 7. Granny Panties Daily. Comfort over sexiness. Yesssssss. 8. Selfish movie selections. I can guilt-free watch my emotional movies and eat my ben and jerry's too! 9. Not having to meet my family. For obvious reasons. 10. Every moment together is special. Boredom doesn't exist. Love, Sarah

300 words. Personal Statement.

Question: why go to edinburgh, why choose me, whats my funding that i already have please rip me apart this could be up to 13,000 GBPs in scholarship money Earning a scholarship means to me that a person shows great potential in his/her field along with a strong determination to not only maximize their time learning at the university but bringing their knowledge to the greater world. I came from a family with parents who did not complete high school or took part in any of my schooling endeavors. From the start, there seemed to be this intrinsic motivation inside of me that could never be tamed. I had a hunger to learn and to keep learning, as well as, do something extraordinary in my life. I still possess this fire to learn and now as an adult I wish to spread the power of learning. This is one of the reasons why I am suitable for a scholarship; I am not just looking for the end result of receiving the degree but I am passionate about the time in between. I am certain that this will result in a highly thoughtful student and a well-rounded educator with in-depth knowledge. I believe that education is the foundation of the growing world. It is the core to not only the decisions that people make daily but to the decisions that impact generations. It shapes how people view world. It can spark meaning and wonderment into anybodies lives; which can lead to future inventors, authors, researchers, and explorers. Therefore, I believe investing in a student who pursues education is potentially investing in a plethora of people’s lives. Choosing to study education at this university is also very purposeful; University of Edinburgh is a highly regarded university that will challenge me and give me a diverse setting to grow and learn new ideas. As for other bodies of funding, I am eligible to receive $20,500 in loans from the Department of Education (U.S.A).

Dear Mr.Wormwood.

Dear Mr.Wormwood, I waited for you. When I was young, I waited every Friday night. Staring frantically through my bedroom window in hopes to see that messy maroon car pull up to the side of our suburban road. Realising that with every minute that passed, things were just going to get worse. Autumn turned to Winter and Winter turned to Spring and I was still looking through that window when the suns scorching rays were in full appearance. I always wondered if you knew how it made me feel,and if you would have just came home. I grew up without you. As I kept growing up in this house; I saw you everyday. You sat there in old jaded gray sweat pants on the weekends watching the tellie, drinking one coors after another, and occasionally moving your location to the garage to smoke a cigarrete. I got to know the Redsox really well because that was the only way you would be even slightly animated to talk to me. Going to College When I switched schools from University of Oregon to Oregon State University, I told you and mum with great excitement. I thought this was the first bold move that I have ever taken. I thought you would be proud of me. However, I will never forget what you said "Why would you want to go to that Shit-Hole School?". You only based that off a football team and I knew this. Oddly enough, it still made me deeply upset at the time. How could you critisize any school that I choose when you never helped me along the way? The pure fact that I just succeeded my first year of college and was planning to keep attending wasn't enough to make you happy. Graduation Seven months ago, I graduated from university with two degrees, magna cum laude, and a year ahead of schedule. That weekend all of your family came and mum's family came too. The house was packed. It was the day before my big day. The day I have been waiting for my for my entire life. I told you that I didn't want any alcohol there. I know my family, I know that it makes everything a mess. But you didn't listen and there was alcohol galoure! I tried to let that not get to me. As the day became night, I was feeling exhausted...I had to wake up dreadfully early to go through my graduation Michelle Obama Security the next day. Most of the guest had left except for two of my uncles. You three stayed up all night until 3 or 4 in the morning, getting wasted, being loud, and listening to music. I coudln't sleep a wink in this small house where even the slightest turn of a door knob is heard from any angle. I asked you to keep it down but you told me that you never get to spend time with them and that I should lighten up. The next day, I gave mum my appreciation sash....and you wondered why it wasn't for you. Current day I got into two Master's programs at University of Edinburgh and Newcastle University. and All you could say is "I'm not paying for it". I've come to the conclusion that even if you did knew how I felt...you still wouldn't have came home

Helplessness Blues

What happens when you want to run away from the place you ran to? 4 months, 15 days. I've been in Switzerland. I have about 7 more months ahead of me... I feel like I wake up just to close the curtains. I want to be adventurous. Spontaneous. Carefree Sarah. But I don't feel like I'm living. Not at all. It's like I'm falling in a bottomless pit and with each day, I feel a foot deeper...making it harder to get out of the pit. I feel so helpless. I don't want to be here but I don't want to be "home"...that would be even worse. And let's say I even did want to go "home"...there's not even a place for me to go to. I love Europe. I love Munster, I love Vicenza, and the UK. But Switzerland...I have never felt a connection with. I feel like there's no where to go. Which is the hardest thought to grasp.