Running through the streets of Zurich

Dear Blog, Yesterday my alarm went off at 8:45am. That's sleeping in for me, however, the night before I got no sleep whatsoever. So on this particular saturday, I just didn't want to get up at all. I could stay in bed if I wanted or catch a later train but I got up anyway...Zurich was waiting on me. I felt kind of off all throughout the morning and train ride. Woke up in a funk I guess. Once, I got there, it was magically lifted. I felt better again, I felt more like myself. I walked along the streets and found some really cool shops (english bookstore..glorious, record stores, and even a fun toy shop), didn't buy anything from any of those places because zurich is literally the most expensive city in the entire world..yikes! doesn't do well on my budget even if I just got paid. But this girl can't help herself when it comes to H&M and I found this adorable short white mod dress that I'm so excited to wear around the UK in a few short weeks. I was getting hungry though and went to find a pizza place (craving pizza for the longest time) and ended up at this one right by the water (you don't even want to know how much it was for a small one person cheese pizza...zurich..that's all I can really say). Let me diverge about the water for a second, it is SO clean. I've seen a lot of canals from venice to amsterdam and they don't have shit (sorry) on Zurich. You could swim in it and not only be certain that you won't get a bunch of diseases but come out of it feeling clean and refreshed. People weren't lying about switzerland being clean..in fact all the rumours I've heard about Switzerland are living up to their word. Expensive:check. Clean:check. Beautiful: double check. Alright back to pizza. Since I was alone, the waiter sat me next to this one bloke who was alone as well. Well..this bloke (Matt) noticed me fumbling with german words and speaking English so he asked me where I was from. He turned out to be from Colorado! I hardly ever meet fellow Americans on my travels. He just graduated from uni too. We were both travelling in Zurich for the day alone so at the end of the meal we decided to hang out for the rest of the day. I was really happy about this, travelling with someone else is so much better than being by yourself, even if it was just a one-day kind of friendship. I told him about the free bike place I saw online so we walked to find it...no luck though. It was there..luckily but they ran out of bikes..suppose I wasn't the only one in Zurich with this brilliant pocket saving idea. Well on to the next idea, walk around the lake front. The lake was perfectly clear, old swiss buildings surrounded it with mountains in the background, swans swam near the edges while the sailboats lazily sailed in the center. The weather was perfect too..sunny but mild. Perfect cardigan wearing weather. And you know how much I love my cardigans. They are to me as sweaters are to Mr.Rodgers. Then Matt and I saw paddle boats and thought we should check it out. We found the place really easily and it was decently priced (even better). So we got our paddleboat!! wooohooo! It was hilarious..we exchanged very few words with the guy who gave us this paddleboat but all he said to us was "Do you know the rules".."no" (in my mind...are you kidding, how would we know the rules..you have barely said 5 words to us).."Don't go under the bridges" and then he pushed us off and we were on our way. Matt and I couldn't help but crack up over that whole scenario. back in the states they would have surely gave us some long speech with a novel full of rules and how to even use the bloody paddle boat but all this strange swiss man had to say was not to go under the bridges..and we didn't. However, this contraption squeeked like crazy. Proper annoying to say the least. But I was happy, I love being on the water. We joked throughout the ride that we were going to jump in. About half way through our ride, we stopped to take pictures and give our legs a rest. And I said "If I'm going to do it, this is it...this is the time". So I did it. I jumped into Lake Zurich. Jeans and All. Once I was in, my first reaction ended up being a mouth full of curse words. It was damn cold. But after a few minutes, I felt so alive. I was spontaneously swimming in the middle of lake zurich. I kind of forgot about matt and the paddleboat for a minute. I just swam on my back and looked all around me. This is my life and I loved it. Once I got in, I really regretted the whole jean thing but hey what's a girl to do? I wanted to swim in the lake and I have a boyfriend so going in my underwear was definitely not an option. So once I'm sitting back in my seat, matt looks over at me...and says "Hell, I've got to do it". So he did! and once we were riding back..he sincerely says "Thank you, I would have never done that if it wasn't for you". Maybe he felt alive too. I was glad that I could be a part of that. I have to tell you something about this fellow...he is ROBBIE LAND! his voice, his looks, his humor. It freaked me out during that whole day. I felt like I just spent the whole day with Robbie. I think that really helped me feel comfortable and able to joke around as if he's been my friend for longer than just this one day. So once we were back on the streets of zurich..my jeans weren't drying and god knows that they weren't going to dry anytime soon. So we found some store (Adidas), I pretended to try something on but really just changed out of the jeans and into this mod dress that I bought earlier that day. The dress is quite short and I didn't want to slut it up in Zurich so then the goose chase to find black leggings began. Luckily I found some and all was right with the world. After exploring the city more and getting coffee ($7 small starbucks..killer), I was off on the train again, feeling much better than before. I love zurich as a city. I would live in Zurich. I always judge places on if they are visit worthy or living worthy and this was definitely both. It was beautiful with a blend of nature and city. It's perfect..minus the money bit. Once, I was back in my little village of Magden, I climbed up the hill looking at the clear night sky with an abundance of stars hanging about, and at the that time, the universe just felt right.

It's time to begin... isn't it?

Dear Blog, That morning, we woke up at 4:00am. He turned on the lights. It was so bright. I remember that vividly...it was way too bright for what time it was. Can't we just go back to sleep? Wake up when we want, make tea and banter? Not this morning. After a lot of convincing, he got me up. We trudged about a mile or so to Waverly Station. At the time I was conflicted, the walk was painful, cold, dark, and uphill...I was too tired for that. I wanted the walk to be over. At the same time..I didn't. It meant much more than a stupid walk being over, it meant that summer was over. Our carefree weekends in various euro cities and the week that I just spent in the cottage...making cookies, waking up late, running around in meadows, laughing all the time, and dancing in our pub...was over. I know that we'll have more memories like that but I just wanted them to last so bad...I wanted to stay. I always thought everytime I left the UK..that I left my heart with it but this time I really did, I swear to god, I did. Finally, once the bus came..I held back. I didn't cry. He didn't say much. Then I let his hand go, walked on the bus and the bus driver was so unbelievably rude to me. I sat by myself and lost all control. I cried, and I cried hard. It brought me back to a year ago when I left my kindergartners in Italy and I took a bus all by myself to the airport straight after work. It was a cry that couldn't be stopped even though I wanted it to. There were people in pretty much every seat for christ sake...and I...I was a hot mess...an uncontrollably one at that. And then I was on my own I went to Michaels parents house for the afternoon since it was close to the airport and I could be in Frankfurt whenever I wanted. It was a Sunday, I needed to pick up my visa at the swiss consulate on Monday. All in All.. I adore them, they make me feel a part of the family and I've only met them on two occasions. His dad helped me get on the train with my two luggages at the end of the day. He kissed my cheek and waved goodbye as the train took off. I really was on my own now and I couldn't help but cry a little again. Franfurt..I hated it. I really did, I swear to god. Basically when monday afternoon hit and everythining at the consulate went smoothly, I got the hell out of there and started on my way to SWITZERLAND!!!!!!!!! I'll talk more about the family and kids in another blog...don't you worry! But for now, let me tell you, that I live on top of a hill...currently I am sitting outside on my own terrace that connects to my room. I can see all of the houses, some look so small that I could pick them up by my hands and set them on my palms. The village is surrounded by hills. It's so beautiful! I wish I could do it justice, but Blog..I really don't think I can. I'm sorry. This weekend, I went to Colmar, France, it's in the lovely famous wine region of Alsace... I went completely and utterly alone. As soon as I got to Basel SBB, I went to go to the french platforms, there was a sign there that said "France" with a sliding door. My heart fluttered! It was such a cool feeling, I stood between these sliding doors just for about 20 seconds..I was in two places at once, Switzerland and France. I felt like I was on a "Walk to Remember". In that moment...I felt infinite. Oh by the way, in preparation for the movie, I've been reading the perks of being a wallflower..for about my 4th time, so this entry may be full of references that you may or may not get. At the moment, I feel both happy and sad, and I wonder how that could be My emotions were running high..I don't know what's wrong with me, I feel constantly on the verge of tears. There were times where I wanted to cry because everything around me was just so beautiful in Colmar. It was like a fairytale, cut out hearts in the colorful shudders of the houses, cobblestone roads, bakeries, cheese shops, biscuits/ chocolate shops galoure! It was authentic too...no one spoke a lick of english. As I walked around, I would say the signs that I saw aloud to myself in the best french accent that I could muster up. It was silly but I thoroughly enjoyed it. I wish I was learning french instead of German. It's a gorgeous language..it really is! "Sont de mont qui von tre bien ensemble...tre bien ensemble"...thank you beatles, thats almost as much as I really know. During my day in Colmar, I went shopping for souvenirs, after being here for 2 months, it's about time to send some love back, right? I went shopping for clothes, found an awesome maroon cord skirt..while trying things on..this song came on..one of those songs that puts you in a good mood and makes you feel alive..well it came on so while I was trying on clothes..I was dancing and jumping around. Once again, in that moment, I felt infinite. After the shopping, It was time for a snack. Tried an onion torte, thanks for 'Mum's suggestion. Really though, I don't even think I would have thought about going to Colmar without their suggestion during my graduation. Another great family that I'm so happy to have in my life. Anyways, I got off on tangents way too much, so I walked around a bit..ended up finding myself a Marche aka french market. Drank a few glasses of wine! Brilliant! I wanted to keep shopping around after that but then my wine haze started to hit. Made my way to a lovely french park and read the perks of being a wallflower and took a tiny nap. That's when I realised..when I am alone or feeling lonely, I look to my books and my writing. I want to feel connected with someone when I read or with my writing, I want someone to feel connected with me. It makes me feel less alone. And right now, I could really use that. I want you know, that I meant what I said, I really am both happy and sad. However, I am living the life that I always wanted to and I feel so lucky for that. I take it in, I appreciate everything. This isn't everyone's life. Some people don't make it out...even when they want to. It's not an easy life to live though. Constant goodbyes and change. It can be hard but someone once told me that if it's not difficult...it's not worth it. And I believe it. With every bit of me.

And the world's alright with me.

Dear Blog, Last time that we chatted, I left off in Berlin. So shall continue with the weekend travels? I think we shall. So the following weekend, I left the moonch girls to their own devices and went to Michael's parents house in Southern Holland. I think this was my favourite weekend of all. Michael drove and picked me up practically right after I got off work. We then were on the open road together for an hour which was nice. I really love rooadtrips and listening to music (like follow rivers, lovely day, fat boy slim...the good stuff). Even better, me and this boy are pretty music compatible (besides the dutch techno...but he grew up in Holland, so I can't really blame him). Right. So I was a wee bit nervous to meet the parents. It's nerve racking to meet parents in general at a dinner or family gathering but I was going to be spending the whole weekend with them! The first night, they made bbq which was delicious and a much needed break from buying trainstop dinners or cassels meat and potato medleys. Most importantly, they were a very welcoming family and made me feel right at home even though I just met them and was thousands of miles away from my actual home. After travelling and being away from my home...being in an actual family/home environment is kind of like a treat. You realise how nice it is just lounging in the living room, having a home cooked meal, and topic bouncing banter outside in the gardens. I enjoyed it...quite a lot! Michael, his brother, and I decided to play Monopoly that night... With monopoly, you always have to go around the board once before buying property. I am my fathers daughter..therefore I think I have the "Monopoly kicking ass gene". So I talked myself up. Well...I landed on "Go to Jail" three times in a row!!! How does that even happen? I was totally gutted and we stopped playing. We decided to play (Ludo) ...which I won at. It's kind of like "sorry" but 10x more frustrating and repetitive. The next day was saturday where we woke up late (how glorious)and had a delicious breakfast that included home made black currant jam and the best dutch cheese a girl could ask for! Then we dashed to the Zoo in Arnhem ( a city about an hour from michael's village). Saw some of my favourite animals..made up stories about their lives which luckily michael is silly enough to go along with. Overall, a fun day at the zoo! After the zoo, we went and saw a film at the cinemas (Batman). It felt like a normal date weekend instead of running around from sight to sight, I feel sometimes the normal things that i did back home isn't the normal here therefore it becomes a treat/ exciting when I do them...it's funny how things work. I've never watched a film in Europe before in the cinemas...luckily it wasn't in dutch :) but there was assigned seating..kind of strange but tis the dutch way I suppose. That night before driving home, we walked through this beautiful park where there was this festival going on. I wish I took pictures because this park was so picture-esque with white canopies and twinkly lights everywher. Ducks swimming in the ponds. Little bridges to cross over the creeks. It was a perfect day! the next day, we rode bikes to germany through corn fields and farm land to get to this lake. I was in heaven. I love riding bikes and it was the perfect place to do so! It was about 30 minutes away but took longer due to being lost...being lost wasn't so bad though. When we finally arrived, we were a bit knackered from the weekend so we just lounged around and swam a bit. On the way home michael tried his luck in the cornfields to find some propa good corn for dinner...no such luck unfortunately. We rode bikes through the farm land passing/shaing raw corn on the cob back and forth. I could live like this.

If you wish it.

Wendy is considering going back to London. Back to her home. Back to Nana. Back to her parents. Back to the nursey. She asks Peter if it's okay that she leaves Neverland. He says "If you wish it" in such a heartbroken tone...clearly saying that he doesn't wish it at all. But it isn't up to Peter..is it? If someone wants to go, they want to go. And I can't change that and neither can he. In life, it seems as though if you ever want to gain something then there is always a price to pay. May it be money or a peter pan. You can't have it all and lately I feel like I've been trying to have it all. And it isn't working. It's exhausting and consuming of my entire being. However, I couldn't let things go the way they were going on forever. Nothing was happening. It was like rocks in a flowing river. I needed to change. I needed to throw myself out on a limb. I feel like I've barely got grasp of this limb and on the way to getting there... I've scraped myself pretty badly. I've got to keep going though. But... As with the Darling's nursery. The window will always be left open. for whenever you want to come back.

Following Rivers.

Dear Blog, I'm very sorry that I have neglected you ever so much during these last six weeks of life. I hope and my readers are forgiving. For you see, life really caught up with me there and taking the time to reflect was not on my top priorities...very unfortunate, I know. But alas I am back! Where to even start? This truly is the trouble when one fails to give attention to a blog. Leaving: That night, I didn't sleep. How could I? I was leaving around 3am for the flight of my life. When we finally got to the car, I was wide awake and ended up driving us to the airport. Oddly enough, I've never driven to the airport on my own or even to portland before this. But here I was, me and my family. Mostly though, I felt connected with my little lilahbug. She's my beloved car, after all. It was our last journey together. That car always symbolized freedom to me. Freedom to sing loudly. Freedom to feel the wind through my fingertips. Mostly, freedom to leave and go on a different path. Airport: It wasn't until I saw the anxious smiley faced Jamie that I realised that I was going. I was so excited at that moment, nothing could bring me down...not even my parents who were more or less gutted at the fact that I was leaving. They both cried and part of me wanted to cry to show that I DID care and I DO love them a lot but I couldn't..I didn't cry at all. I was too excited and was more than ready to leave Oregon. Luckily, my sister was at the airport as well and was able to console them and keep their spirits somewhat up. This is what I love about my sister..she stays calm in any situation and takes care of people. She's so selfless. I realised a few nighs prior to me leaving when there was an incident in my family..my sister stayed! she stayed! I ran. I always run. It's my instinct. The munch town..the moonch moonch..MG: For the last 6 weeks I have been living in Mochengladbach at a British Military base! I've made really good friends with my fellow camp adventure ladies and even made some british friends. Some highlights: Watching the Olympic Ceremonies with the brits while drinking magners! I've never felt so patriotic in my life. God save the Queen...indeed! Playing thumper on our first friday with all our new friends! The many nicknames of Jack aka Jack Jack, J-Razz, Shifty J The numerous nights just bullshitting with everyone out in the court yard or griffendor longue. The moment Jack Jack came to our house with 5 things of Ben and Jerry's. Getting in trouble for being barefoot. Dodgy Rob and his delicious blueberry pancakes served on a special silver platter just for us. Tick Trail. Mich Mich! Travelling Our first weekend, all of the rheindahlen girls went to Koln on Saturday where we climbed up the narrow winding steps to the top of Europes tallest Cathedral. We also ate Pizza! which was much desired after a week of Cassel's meals. The next weekend was my birthday, I went to Brussels with Tanya,Michelle, and Michael. This is where my love of waffles really began. However, very disappointed of this iconic pissing baby statue. There were replicas that were larger than the actual thing..gutted...especially when I made everyone search for it with me. Luckily, my birthday meant belgian beer (framboise..YUM!) whilst playing rummy with everyone. At night it took us ages but we found this bar called Celticas! It was a lot of fun...even got to dance for a bit. Lastly, I ended my 22nd birthday walking around the beautiful belgian town with Michael. The next day, while sharing a waffle..Michael + Sarah was official. It was such a nice day that we tried to find a park but only found a homeless refuge. We eventually laid outside of a cathedral for a while...which was a lot prettier/a lot less sketchy. Dear blog, I am keeping my promise to...for once, I know! The next weekend was BEERFEST in Berlin! We hurried out of work as fast as we could and caught the next bus out of the Rhine. After we got to the center, we had pizza (again..but still amazing) where I stole a coke (going to hell for this). The german pizza guys loved us though because we were from "California" and they insisted on singing us the Phantom Planet's song titled..Califronia. Shocking! Anyways after being wired from the stolen coke, delicious pizza, and the idea that I would soon be reunited with my bestfriend Brigette and my boyfriend in BERLIN...I didn't want to sleep on that 5 hour journey there. This lead to ridiculously loud banter and laughter between Alice, Mich and I ...there may have been some bets concerning two of our friends as well. Suffice it to say, we really over shot on that one. Anyways, we learnt that fresh fruit from trainstations aren't nearly as appetizing as those back at home. But still an upgrade from the mushy apples at cassels. Once we got to Berlin, I found myself in the largest trainstation in all of Europe. It was mental, there were escalators going every which way for levels up and down. Luckily, it was pretty simple to find Michael. Then we were off to our hostel to meet up with brigette and his friend (Mathieu..he's french so it's pronounced "Ma-Choo" and I like to call him Ma Choo Choo..or choo choo train. This trip has been all about nicknames..Right so once we got to the St.Christophers inn, Ma-Choo bought me a magners and all of us drank and bantered on for a while. The next day, me and brig went on a walking tour where we found Beau, Jeanine, Kristen, and other Camp A friends from back home. It's so cool running into people you know in places that are so foreign. In the past year, I've hung out with Beau in Berlin and Hawaii..How cool is that? -here I go diverging again. Right, so we were on this walking tour where we went all around the city of Berlin. Saw the main sites; including the wall, check point charlie, hitler's bunkers (the parking lot that is now on the spot), holocaust memorial, and where Michael Jackson showed off his baby "Blanket" on the balcony of a Berlin Hotel. It was a very informative tour. Once, we were done, we were at Museum Island but I was exhausted after the walking and heat. Michael ended up coming to Museum Island where we splashed around in the fountain a bit (loads of fun) and laid around in the park surrounded by old beautiful museums (also fun). Clearly we didn't rest enough because when we got back to the hostel, we took a nap and went into deep sleep almost instantly. I really didn't want to get up, but I did! Because it was BEERFEST! The beer tents seemed to be endless. There were hilarious German bands as well performing. I was loving the fruit beers...such as cherry beer, raspberry beer, and my favourite..Banana Beer! The next day, it rained so me, michael, and choo choo train didn't get to go to the tier gardens as planned but instead sloshed around in the rain looking at cheap records and haggling with street merchants for jewelry (got my locket for 7 instead of 12)! My shoes were soaked though but luckily we ended up inside... in a "California Burrito Grill"..which was surprisingly good and met my mexican cravings..for a minute atleast. I could still use a mexi night at my parents house desperately. By that time, it was time to head out..we caught the train back home. Long train rides seem to go by fast with Michael. Oh by the way. I was introduced to "I follow rivers" that weekend which is a very catchy tune that hasn't left my head since that day. It's always the first song me and Michael listen on any car ride. It's almost dinner time at Cassels...meet and potatoes surely. Yumm :/ More soon. promise. x x x x

I drove to chicago...in my mind, in my mind.

Today I graduated from College! It's so insane. I don't even know how that happened, the years flew by so fast. They really did, I swear to god. The coolest feeling ever was when we were walking into the stadium. All of the families were cheering. I finally felt like a graduate walking with my cohorts in the matching black gowns and caps to the band playing the traditional graduation songs. My bestfriend in the whole world Michael graduated with me today. He's moving to Chicago tomorrow. I had to say my goodbyes to him. He told me to try to find him afterwards if we could. Luckily, we had about an hour before to chat and say goodbye but still I wanted to see him again, after everything was all done. As I was getting in line to receive my diploma, I saw him..he was about 10-15 people ahead of me, walking fast. He was in grasp. Then at that moment, my graduation didn't matter. The diploma ahead of me didn't matter. The pictures the professionals wanted me to stop and take...sure as hell didn't matter. I had to get to him. I kept my eye out but he reached the gates far before I did (this is where the swarm of people congregated after one received their diploma). So my hopes were to reach to him after I got outside the gates. Once I got outside, right in front of everyone were my parents and sister. Really, how sweet and caring. They wanted to see me! But at the time, I felt kind of annoyed (which I feel bad for) but it was a distraction from my mission. I was losing time to catch up. He was slipping farther and farther away from me with every stop I had to make. I told my parents we had to keep moving..so we did. I kept looking and looking. You weren't anywhere to be seen. Where were you? The cellphone was off. I couldn't find you. Then I stopped. My parents wanted to take pictures with me so we stopped in front of Reser. And right as my sister was about to take the photo, I started bawling uncontrollably. I ran to my sister, snuggling my face in her arm so maybe no one would see how awful I was acting. My whole my family was huddling around me. They kept asking "what's wrong, what's wrong". In my incoherent mumbles in between fits of crying, "I lost him, I lost him!". But my family couldn't understand me, they thought I lost something in the stadium. "No, I lost Michael!". I don't think I will ever forget this feeling.

And everything is moving to the beat.

ahhhh! I feel like I'm being annoying, complicated, and pesky! All traits in which I can't stand at all. I like being simple. I like going with a thing that I like to call "the flow". But right now, I don't feel like that's even an option or maybe I'm just not letting it be an option. This time, I'm going to Europe and I'm not coming back (for a while atleast). This is so legen (wait for it, I hope you're not lactose intolerant because this is going to be big)dary, that I can't think about all the other aspects in my life that are happening at this very moment. I told myself I wouldn't even plan until after I've graduated but I've failed at that. It's complicated because of this...my plans keep changing and more people are involved. I have to make sure that I'm on the same page as my friend (which is pretty dang easy) but this is where it gets complicated I have to be on the same page as my swiss family and the swiss embassy. I need to be at a certain place at a certain time in order to get a working visa...this is stressing me out..big time! I can't go with the flow when things that precious are on the line. I have so much anxiety that something has to go wrong somewhere down the line...hence me trying to go to sleep and not being able to. A summer travelling northern europe then going off to spain for a week then moving to switzerland. Life can't be like that. I think I'm about two pesky e-mails away from giving myself a nervous breakdown or my friend truly hating me. -I'm stressing about stupid things. I know. People are starving or fighting wars. And here I am stressing about leisurely travelling and getting visas.